Saturday, April 17, 2021

"Rules For Work:"



    1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 

    and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is 

    refreshing. 


    2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 

    minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, 

    hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke. 


    3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It 

    gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you 

    are. 


    4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, 

    don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as 

    a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training 

    in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs. 


    5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which 

    is priority. I am psychic. 


    6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and 

    really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life 

    beyond work. 


    7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets 

    out, it could mean a promotion. 


    8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to 

    be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped. 


    9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write 

    them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No 

    use confusing me with useful information. 


    10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no 

    right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am 

    plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions 

    will identify them. 


    11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could 

    really change your life and send you straight to manager's 

    hell. 


    12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and 

    it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like 

    the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check 

    you received for being such a good manager. 


    13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals 

    SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a 

    cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway. 



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