Saturday, February 28, 2015


* Do not use while sleeping.

* Do not use while showering or bathing

* You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

* Directions: Use like regular soap.

* Serving suggestion: Defrost.

* Product fits one head.

* Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

* Product will be hot after heating

* Do not iron clothes on body

* Do not drive car or operate machinery

* Warning: may cause drowsiness

* WARNING! Keep out of children

* For indoor or outdoor use only.

* Not to be used for the other use

* Warning: contains nuts

* Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

And finally...

* Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.


The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)

Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time
I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope
and send it to someone. -Jan King

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do
what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome

The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men
to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know
I'm not dumb...and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and
your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a
horrible warning. -Catherine Aird

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly
ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep
his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Fourth Grades Sayings

A teacher gave her fourth-grade students the beginning of
a list of famous sayings and asked them to provide original
endings for each one.  Here are some examples of what they

1.  The grass is always greener when you leave the sprinkler
2.  A rolling stone plays the guitar.
3.  The grass is always greener when you remember to water it.
4.  A bird in the hand is a real mess.
5.  No news is no newspaper.
6.  It's better to light one candle than to waste electricity.
7.  It's always darkest just before I open my eyes.
8.  You have nothing to fear but homework.
9.  If you can't stand the heat, don't start the fireplace.
10. If you can't stand the heat, go swimming.
11. Never put off 'til tomorrow what you should have done
12. A penny saved is nothing in the real world.
13. The squeaking wheel gets annoying.
14. We have nothing to fear but our principal.
15. To err is human.  To eat a muskrat is not.
16. I think, therefore I get a headache.
17. Better to light a candle than to light an explosive.
18. It's always darkest before 9:30 p.m.
19. Early to bed and early to rise is first in the bathroom.
20. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a blister.
21. There is nothing new under the bed.
22. The grass is always greener when you put manure on it.
23. Don't count your chickens -- it takes too long.
24. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and someone
      yells, "Shut up!"

Dogs, Cats, and lightbulbs

> How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
> Golden Retriever:
> The sun is shining, the day is young,  we've got our whole lives ahead of
> us, and you're inside worrying about a  stupid burned out bulb?
> Border Collie:
> Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
> Dachshund:
> You know I  can't reach that stupid lamp!
> Rottweiler:
> Make me.
> Lab:
> Oh,  me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I?
> Huh?  Huh? Huh? Can I?
> Malamute:
> Let the Border Collie do it. You can  feed me while he's busy.
> Jack Russell Terrier:
> I'll just pop it in  while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
> Poodle:
> I'll just blow  in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he
> finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
> Cocker Spaniel:
> Why change  it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
> Doberman  Pinscher:
> While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the  couch.
> Boxer:
> Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys  in the dark......
> Mastiff:
> Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the  dark!
> Chihuahua:
> Yo quiero Taco Bulb!
> Irish Wolfhound:
> Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover.....
> Pointer:
> I see it,  there it is, there it is, right there....
> Greyhound:
> It isn't moving.  Who cares?
> Australian Shepherd:
> First, I'll put all the light  bulbs in a little circle....
> Old English Sheep Dog:
> Light bulb?  I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
> Hound  Dog:
> ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
> Cat:
> Dogs do not change light bulbs.  People change light bulbs. So the
> question is: how long will it be  before I can expect light?

Cat Haiku

Going through OLD files, none of these are mine. Nor would I wish to take credit for some of these....

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner.

Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams
My claws are not that sharp.

Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

The rule for today
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

A Call to 911

A  911 operator gets a call one evening but nobody says anything. 
Fearing the worst, the operator calls back, and a little boy answers
the phone in whispering voice ...

[barely audible] Hello!

(Operator) Hello little boy. Did you just call 911?

[barely audible] "No!"

(Operator) O.K., is your mommy home?

[barely audible] "Yes."

(Operator) Can I speak to her, please?

[barely audible] "No."

(Operator) "Why not?"

[barely audible] "Because she's busy!"

(Operator) "Oh, OK. Is your daddy home then?"

[barely audible] "Yes."

(Operator) "Well, can I speak to him?"

[barely audible] "No!"

(Operator) "Well, my goodness, why not?"

[barely audible] "Because he's busy too!"

(Operator) "OH, goodness! What's he busy doing?"

[barely audible] "Talking to the police."

(Operator) "Oh, so the police are there?"

[barely audible] "Yes."

(Operator) "Can I speak to one of them?"

[barely audible] "No!"

(Operator) "Why not?"

[barely audible] "Because they are really busy."

(Operator) "Well, what's your mom busy doing?"

[barely audible] "Talking to the firemen."

(Operator) "Can I speak to one of the firemen then, please?"

[barely audible] "No."

(Operator) "Well, goodness, why not?"

[barely audible] "Because they are really busy too!"

(Operator) "Well, what are all of these people busy doing?"

[barely audible] "Looking for me!"

Monday, February 23, 2015

.@computeramerica Show Lineup for the Week of February 23, 2015

Looks like a great lineup for the week.


Hour one:
Adam Kujawa, Head of Malware Intelligence.

Malwarebytes Anti-Malware removes and detects malware that even the biggest AV apps fail fact, all of the big AV company tech support departments recommend Malwarebytes to their customers in addition to their own AV software. That's because Malwarebytes is not areplacement for anti-virus technology because you need both to properly protect your PC. So, just like having a seatbelt to be safe on the road isn't enough anymore, you need two different technologies, the seat belt & the airbag, to properly defend yourself in your car. MalwarebytesAnti-Malware catches the zero day, polymorphic and malware in the wild that standard AV technologies were not built to handle. 
Hour two:
Kurt Schmucker, Senior Product Manager.
Parallels lets you run Windows and even Linux on your Macintosh natively with all of the bells and whistles that go along with these operating systems!  You can run them concurrently with Mac OS X!  Or you can use a variety of different modes that let you run these different operating systems invisibly so you don't even have to know which OS is running at the moment!
Hour one:
Anders Davallius, Creative Director/Programmer of Coilworks.
Cloudbuilt sees quick wits and even quicker reflexes become your closest friends as you carve your own path through the mysterious floating ruins high above the clouds. A game of speed, precision and freedom, use your rocket-powered exoskeleton and manipulate the laws of physics to avoid fatal hazards, dodge hostile robots and reach not just the finish line of each stage, but the top of the worldwide leaderboards too. Packed with progressively challenging levels, as well as all manner of shortcuts and secrets to discover, Cloudbuilt’s fast-paced competitive action will push the limits of gamers seeking a challenge time and time again.
Hour two:
Zarick Industries / EdsJunk.
Ed Zarick, Professional Hobbyist.
Ed Zarik, has been building custom portable units of the next gen consoles and other tech projects.  Evidently, Ed has cracked the code and has come up with the all in one PS4 & Xbox One portable gaming uber-laptop! After all, why have just one, when you can have two at twice the price? Hear what he has to say about all of his work in this hour.

Hour one:
Michael Brecht, CEO of Doodle.
You have important meetings to schedule. Your company's getting ready for its IPO, and you're in charge of the PTA fundraiser this month.  So how do you coordinate everyone to be available at the same time?  With Doodle, scheduling meetings with a group of people is quick and easy! With Doodle, you can easily propose available times to each member.  Each one checks off the times they are available, and then you simply pick the time that works best for the group, all in an easy to read display that integrates with your existing calendar!  Nothing could be more simple!
Hour two:
The GizWiz is Dick DeBartolo!
Dick is Mad Magazine's Maddest writer and he joins us on every last Wednesday of the month with exciting and different gadgets and gizmos!  Join us! 

Hour one:
Intel is here for our Intel Sponsor Hour!
Each month at this time, Intel joins us to discuss the latest in computers and technology!
Hour two:
Spritz Technology.

James Locke, Chief Innovation Officer of Spritz Technology, Inc.
Spritz’s mission is to change the way people engage with content in the digital age. By making the reading experience more focused and efficient, their technology helps readers access their content faster, with less effort and across any device or screen size. Born out of scientific research, Spritz was created to solve key challenges currently faced by readers, publishers and advertisers including: efficient delivery of content on the go, cross platform compatibility and measurement.
Both Hours:
Author Michael Miller! 
Mike is a proven and successful non-fiction writer on a variety of technical, business, and lifestyle-related topics. He has written more than 150 books in the last two decades that have collectively sold more than one million copies! His best-selling books include The Ultimate Web Marketing Guide, YouTube for Business, and Facebook for Grown-Ups for Que Publishing. He has established a reputation for being able to explain difficult concepts to everyday readers in easy-to-understand language.

Monday, February 16, 2015

.@computeramerica Show line up for the week of February 16, 2015

This Weeks Guest Lineup
Monday, February 16th, 2015!
You can catch our live show at:
starting at 10PM, EST


First Hour: New Matter
Steve Schell, CEO of New Matter. 
3D printing is now for everyone. New Matter’s MOD-t 3D printer and New Matter Store combine to create an affordable, one-click printing ecosystem that beginners or enthusiasts will love.

Visit the New Matter website.

Second Hour: Kerio Technologies

Scott Schreiman, CEO of Kerio Technologies.
Connect, communicate, and collaborate without compromise. Kerio’s award-winning products are tailored to the needs of small and mid-sized businesses. All combine powerful features with ease of use for business users and IT professionals. Kerio's attractive licensing packages and the flexibility to run on many hardware and software configurations deliver enterprise-class functionality for a low total cost of ownership.

Check out the Kerio website.

First Hour: Untangle
Manish SoodCEO and founder
Get powerful tools for complete control of your network. With Untangle, stop viruses and hackers before they enter your network, filter out unwanted traffic, and optimize access to the cloud-based apps that are mission-critical to run your business.

Visit the Untangle website

Second Hour: Reltio
Reltio was founded upon the belief that organizations need reliable, relevant access to information at their fingertips. We help companies turn their data into information and knowledge assets in the most efficient way, shattering the traditional notion that IT must combine multiple technologies to manage different types of data, and that business users must purchase standalone tools to do their own analysis.
Check out the Reltio website.


First Hour: Intel
Intel is here on our Intel Sponsor Hour!  Each month at this time, Intel joins us to discuss the latest in computers and technology! 
Visit the Intel website.
Hour two: Computer News
Craig and Ben do Computer and Technology News, brought to you by Slimware Utilities, the Official Optimization Software of Computer America, and answer your computer questions!

Visit the SlimWare Utilities website.


Both Hours: It's our All Linux Show!

Marcel Gagne 
is the author of several books including "Moving to Linux: Kiss the Blue Screen of Death Goodbye!", now in it's 2nd edition!  Other books include " Moving to Ubuntu Linux." And his newest title is " Moving to Free Software."  He was also a Linux Journal monthly columnist.  His column is titled, "Cooking with Linux."  Please welcome author and columnist, and now Computer America Correspondent… Marcel Gagne to the show.

Visit Marcel's website


Hour one: Yamaha
Craig Knudsen, Designer/Marketing Consultant

With the knowledge and expertise of over 100 years of manufacturing musical instruments, Yamaha combines the best in technology and craftsmanship in the development of Portable Keyboard products. Beginners and Pros alike turn to Yamaha Portable Keyboards for learning, creating, perfecting, and performing. Whether you are looking for a piano-focused keyboard such as the Piaggero or Portable Grand series, or a feature-rich instrument with unmatched technology like the PSR-E or EZ series, you'll find the perfect musical companion for you in the Yamaha Portable Keyboard lineup.

Visit the Yamaha website.

Hour two: Computer News
Craig and Ben do Computer and Technology News, brought to you by Slimware Utilities, the Official Optimization Software of Computer America, and answer your computer questions!

Visit the SlimWare Utilities website.

Our Networks
Click on an image to tune in
starting at 10Pm, ET!


Tuesday, February 10, 2015

@support @Twitter

"Your account has been locked.

Your account appears to have exhibited automated behavior that violates the Twitter Rules. To unlock your account, please click the button below and confirm that you are the valid account owner."

My cell phone does not text, how am I supposed to get a code to unlock my account?  Since you don't bother to read emails from the email address the company has sent the automated message from, what other recourse is there is unlock my account?

Monday, February 09, 2015

.@computeramerica Show Guest Lineup Monday, February 9th, 2015!

You can catch our live show at:  starting at 10PM, EST
First Hour:
Rickard Hansson, CEO of Incentive.
Incentive provides your organization’s collective braintrust with a single, socially powered collaboration platform. It seamlessly integrates with your current workflow, improving the way you collaborate and share information. The result: an efficient, empowered workforce and more positive business outcomes. Being social at work is good for business. After several iterations, Incentive became the socially powered enterprise collaboration platform it is today, helping teams achieve improved profitability, increased efficiency and accelerated business results. Just after its launch, the platform was nominated for Best Software of the Year in Sweden.
Visit their website at
Second Hour:
Neill Feather, President of
SiteLock® finds and removes malware from anywhere on your site. Their protective firewall prevents harmful visitors from entering your site and if manual intervention is needed, their security experts get your website back online in a hurry.
Check them out at 
Double Whammy!
Greyson Hamilton, Computer Americas Gaming Correspondent is joining us for both hours tonight for the first Gamer Tuesday of the month!  Gray is our Computer America Gamer Correspondent!  He recently completed and received his Masters Degree of Journalism from the University of Texas at Austin, and is actively pursuing a career in video game journalism. Gray is an Editor-at-Large for Popzara Magazine and an experienced game enthusiast as well as an author who will give us his viewpoints when it come to computers and top games!

Dos Horas:
Sandy Berger, Computer Americas Official Consumer Electronics Expert.
Well versed in things like Printers, Cell phones, Digital Camera and other devices. Sandy will be with us for both hours tonight. You can visit her website at

Hour one: 
Marco Hansell, CEO of
Providing Influencer Marketing Solutions and Content Creation for Fortune 500 brands since 2010. Speakr has four years of data and campaign experience allowing them to predict performance with a near crystal ball level of accuracy, giving you the most control over the typically uncontrollable medium of social. They’ve won awards, dominated the Superbowl, March Madness, the VMA's, and dozens of opening weekends, all in the name of delivering world-class results and continuing to raise the bar for their clients. They will be joining us for a special how to segment on “how to become a social influence”
Visit them at

Hour two: 
Sticky Password
Sticky Password is a robust and reliable password management option that adds one more layer of protection for their clients. Sticky Password is currently used by over 2 million people and companies worldwide. In addition to their many satisfied customers, antivirus vendors like Kaspersky Lab and VIPRE Selected Sticky Password to be integrated into their own security solutions. “Everybody has a passion. Ours is to make you feel protected while surfing and shopping on the Internet.”  Learn more at

Both Hours: It's time for Bond...  Ralph Bond joins Craig and Ben with computer news and special topics.  For many years, Ralph was Intel's Consumer Education Director.  Ralph is now with Autodesk and he is an official Computer America correspondent.

Monday, February 02, 2015

.@computeramerica This Weeks Guest Lineup Monday, February 2nd, 2015!


Today marks the 24th anniversary of The Computer America Show!
Tune in and celebrate with us all week.

First Hour: DJ Sures, CEO of EZ-Robot.
EZ-Robot makes robots, well... easy! Until now, robotics have been complicated, technical machines, but EZ-Robot has successfully changed the robotics game in to something simple and functional. There is no limit to your creativity at home or in the classroom. The EZ-Robot Revolution is empowering you to change the world! Do you have a dream of what the future holds for robotics? Go Wild! Customize and invent something new, EZ-Robot can provide the tools to make your vision a reality. Check out their sweet deals at
Second Hour: Craig and Ben do Computer and Technology News, brought to you by Slimware Utilities, the Official Optimization Software of Computer America, and answer your computer questions!

Hour one: Jeff Fernandez, Co-Founder and CEO of
Grovo solves the skills gap by teaching Internet and modern professional skills to today's workforce with 60-second videos in a beautiful and effective training platform. On average, workers lose two hours in productivity per person every day due to a lack of proficiency with core digital competencies, such as managing email, working with documents, and collaborating on projects. Grovo is paving the way for learning in the new year!
Visit their website at

Hour two: Craig and Ben do Computer and Technology News, brought to you by Slimware Utilities, the Official Optimization Software of Computer America, and answer your computer questions!

Hour One: Mike Cermak, owner/operator of
Mike is here with us to answer your computer questions and discuss what's happening in the world of computers and technology.

Hour two: Craig and Ben do Computer and Technology News, brought to you by Slimware Utilities, the Official Optimization Software of Computer America, and answer your computer questions!

Hour one: Yan Auerbach, Chief Operations Officer of SpeechTrans Translation.
SpeechTrans is the world’s most advanced speech-to-speech translator. By incorporating the latest Speech-2-Speech (S2S) Translation Software, Automatic Speech Recognition (ASR), Language Translation, and Text-To-Speech (TTS), SpeechTrans enables users to have a complete conversation with anyone in the world speaking any language.
Have a look at their website:

Hour two: Shelley Hunter, "The Gift Card Girlfriend" and spokesperson for
Year after year, gift cards are voted the most-preferred gift of the holiday season as well as a year-round favorite for birthdays, thank you gifts, and other celebrations. Though you can find retail brand, MasterCard and Visa gift cards in stores, the only place to buy customized them is online. Adding personal images, messages and more can turn ordinary cards into one-of-a-kind gifts that people often keep even after the value has been used. Check out the deals at

Hour One: David Zimmerman, a man of many titles is the CEO, President and Founder of LC Technology International.
Our in-depth knowledge of recovering data led to the development of Forensic Utility Suite. This first-of-its-kind software is designed to allow forensic and computer crime professionals to effectively recover data. LC Technology International, Inc. is a global leader in data recovery whose mission is designed to help clients resolve catastrophic problems. LC Technology International maintains the highest quality standards with award winning customer service and support as noted by the many awards and articles in the media. Learn more by visiting their website:

Hour Two: Craig and Ben do Computer and Technology News, brought to you by Slimware Utilities, the Official Optimization Software of Computer America, and answer your computer questions! 
Our Networks
Click on an image to tune in
starting at 10Pm, ET!