I miss you, Babe

Says it all:

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his lord.
He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."

~Anonymous

Becoming a Monk

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you because you're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.


The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,

We can't tell you because you're not a monk.

The man says, all right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk .
We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key ?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... The man requests the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so itwent on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...
...silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door ..


The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight





.. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

WARNING ABOUT SHAMPOO

Please share the following information with your friends.

I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out before .

I wash my hair in the shower and the shampoo runs down over my whole
body.

Printed very clearly on the label is the following warning:

"FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."

So no WONDER I have been gaining weight !

Well, I have got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Fairy

Dish Washing Liquid instead.
Its label reads

"DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."

Problem solved. If I don't answer the phone . .. . I'll be in the
shower!

Computer America for the week of Feb 27, 2012

Monday
-------
Computer America has preempted for the Stevie Awards, The World's
Premier Business Award Competitions. We will resume our live broadcast
tomorrow!


Tuesday
-------
Hour one and Hour two: Author Steve Stockman. His book "How To Shoot
Video That Doesn't Suck" tells you how to shoot really great video.
Tune in for some of his best tips and tricks!


Wednesday
-------
First Hour: Craig and Ben answer your computer questions and discuss the
latest Computer News.

Hour two: Dick DeBartolo, the GizWiz and Mad Magazine's maddest writer
joins us for the latest technology gadgets and wild stuff from the Internet!


Thursday
--------
Hour one: About.com. Andy O'Donnell is here to discuss five must-have
security apps for the iPhone.

Hour two: Craig and Ben answer your computer questions and discuss the
latest Computer News.


Friday
--------
Hour one: Biscotti. Wish you could see your loved ones more often?
Biscotti lets you make (free) video phone calls from your HDTV. It is a
small, single device that plugs in to your TV with one cord and connects
to your friends and family via Google video chat. Biscotti provides a
whole-room view with built-in camera and mic, and can be programmed to
turn the TV on/off to answer incoming calls. You can even make and take
calls while watching TV to dish about your favorite shows in real time!

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
updates and other events of the day!

Alex Rodriguez:

Alex has cancer. He's had cancer for 5 years. He's 12. He's chosen to stop treatment. If you can, please support him. Send a letter or post card.

You can read his story here.

One story that I wish would have a different ending.

The Old Prospector

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to"

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody standing around was laughing..

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but.... I've always wanted to"

There are a few lessons for all of us here:

*Don't be arrogant.
*Don't waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control...
*And finally, Don't screw around with old folks; they didn't get old by being stupid....

Today in History --

1943 - The Saturday Evening Post published the first of Norman Rockwell's Four Freedoms in support of United States President Franklin Roosevelt's 1941 State of the Union address theme of Four Freedoms. The four freedoms Rockwell illustrated were the Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Worship, Freedom from Want and the Freedom from Fear.

From the "You Couldn't Possibly Be More Wrong" Department:

"Women will never want the right of suffrage - that is, there will not be enough of them that want it to even encourage the menfolk to give it to them."
- humorist Bill Nye, 1893.

(So glad it's not the 19th century anymore. But, I'm already looking forward to the 22nd.)

Computer America Lineup for week of Feb 20, 2012

Monday
-------
Hours one and two: Joining Craig and Ben is Woody Feffer. Woody owns and
operates Computer Mechanix, an on-site computer repair business. Woody
is here to lend his expertise on diagnosing computer problems and
answering your questions.


Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: Every third Tuesday of the month, we have an all
Linux show! Joining Craig and Ben once again is Larry Bushey, the
Creator and host of the "Going Linux Podcast."


Wednesday
-------
Hour one: Apple Aficionado Gene Steinberg joins Craig and Ben to
talk all things Apple.

Hour two: OriginPC! Any company can build a PC, but few can build a
custom gaming PC worthy of playing the latest games. Many claim to offer
gaming PCs, but they don't deliver a complete gaming experience. A real
gaming PC must be focused on Customization, Service, Gaming, and
Technology. This is ORIGIN's specialty. Join the company's CEO and
Co-Founder as we talk about their amazingly fast computers.


Thursday
--------
Hour one: HP. Hewlett-Packard joins us to discuss their latest printers
that work without wires and let you print from virtually anywhere!

Hour two: Mike Walsh. Futuristic and Keynote speaker and author of
Futuretainment, an indispensible handbook for anyone wanting to
understand the future of media and marketing, will use his knowledge on
business and the ever changing innovations of technology to explain what
it will take for companies and brands to thrive in this challenging new
environment.


Friday
--------
Hour one: Rebit. Hear about Rebit's amazing Rebit Pro software that
uses a "hybrid" of local and cloud backup and recovery, providing the
highest level of protection for the professional PC user.

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
updates and other events of the day!

What if Dr. Seuss Wrote a Computer Manual????

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port

and the buss interrupted as a very last resort

and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort

then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash

and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash

and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash

then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house

says the network is connected to the button on your mouse

but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol

that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall

and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss

so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse

then you may as well reboot it just and go out with a bang

'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk

and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk

then you have to flash your memory

and you'll want to RAM your ROM

Quickly turn off your computer

and be sure to tell your Mom!