Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Sunday, May 07, 2017
Sunday, April 02, 2017
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the road sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says,"Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents on him.
The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves a paw at the them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(OK, here it is)
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds a permanent wave."
Friday, March 10, 2017
While the priest was presenting a children's sermon before the whole congregation. He asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same
time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very
In response to the question, a little boy raised his hand.
The priest called on him and the boy said, "I know that if you have a
resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call
It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the
service to continue.
Thursday, March 02, 2017
I wrote this story in 2014 shortly before my second surgery. Which didn't go quite as well as expected. But, I hadn't written anything in years previously. Not sure where this came from, and yes, there is a sequel kicking around in my head.
12 Feb, 2014
Neutrinos blasted past the ship’s sensors twenty minutes ago.
The star was ripping itself apart in a cataclysmic explosion, a nova.
Since then, we had been piling on as much velocity as the computers would allow trying to escape. Two habitat ring support arms were already bending under the stress.
There are things that can go wrong with a new starship when it’s the first, the only one, of her kind. Of course, ours couldn’t be anything small, like elevator doors that only opened half way or panels that popped off the walls.
We had the first gravity drive that bent space-time around the ship. It didn’t allow for true faster than light travel. It was a cheat, a trick of math and physics, of energy and matter allowing us to barely out run photons. But it felt that way to us inside. Weeks or months of effective time for us, while one light year of travel was only one year of time passing outside. We could, if we wanted, go home in our own lifetimes.
In our case the whole ship was wrong.
Twenty minutes was enough time for the crew and ship’s computers to figure out why our target star had gone nova. It shouldn’t have for another 6 or 7 billion years. We had planned to settle on the only habitable planet. But our arrival had cut that time down.
The field from our drive was much larger than expected, and the ship was pointed directly at the star when we decelerated into the system. The only habitable planet was just on the other side, a handful of light minutes away. We were never going to see it.
The gravity drive was what had started the reaction which caused the nova. Even as our speed increased, the telescopes where searching for Sol.
You see, we could go home, if we wanted.
But, as we slowed down here, we had accelerated out of the solar system. We realized, with our drive pointed almost directly at the Sun.
If there was anything left to go home to.
The telescopes should be picking up the light from Sol soon enough.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Bob, a friend of mine was recently flying back home to Chicago and
emailed me what had happened on his flight.
Bob was sitting on the plane waiting to fly to Chicago ,
when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an
emotional wreck…pale, hands shaking in fear.
"What's the matter," Bob asked. "Afraid of flying?"
"No, it's not that. I've been transferred to Chicago. The people
there are crazy, right? Lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs,
poor schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation."
Bob replied, "I've lived in Chicago all my life. It's not as bad as
the media says. Just find a nice home, go to work, mind your own
business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. I've worked
there for 14 years and never had the slightest trouble."
The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've
been worried to death. But if you've lived and worked there all those
years and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. By the way, what do
you do for a living?"
"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."
Monday, January 16, 2017
Wow, this trip was in June of 2001. As an Air Force Base, there are only helicopters permanently stationed at Vandenberg. But aircraft of all kinds show up for various air shows. (I have pics of those too.) These are rather small pics taken with an Olympus D360-L 1.3MP camera.
Flat land all around, good for launching rockets.
Titan launch computer console.
A rocket engine, not sure what one it is.
Another computer console, looks like it just came off the set of Star Trek.
Peacekeeper missile data.
What's inside a Peacekeeper.
Space suits and rockets.
Titan launch control panel.
Titan launch control panel.