Tuesday, May 03, 2011


All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination
to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk
who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a
good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She
claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry
and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was
into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the
balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the
rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his
fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was
broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive, I
found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the
balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this
point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and
died. The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the
roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled
over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the
balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out
onto the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit
some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge
chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed
and was hit and killed by the chest." The clerk couldn't help but chuckle
as he directs the man to the next room.

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He
apologizes and says, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as
the fellow in here just before you."

"I don't know," replies the man. "Picture this. I'm buck naked hiding
in this cedar chest . . ."

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