ARRIVALS IN HEAVEN:

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination

to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk

who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a

good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She

claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry

and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was

into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the

balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the

rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his

fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was

broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive, I

found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the

balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this

point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and

died. The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the

roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled

over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the

balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out

onto the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit

some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge

chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed

and was hit and killed by the chest." The clerk couldn't help but chuckle

as he directs the man to the next room.

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He

apologizes and says, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as

the fellow in here just before you."

"I don't know," replies the man. "Picture this. I'm buck naked hiding

in this cedar chest . . ."