Laughter is the Best Medicine

*  Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.  The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

*  I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.  Now I turn it  like I’m cracking a safe.

*  I need to practice social distancing from . . . the refrigerator.

*  Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter/Passover . . . The Living Room or The Bedroom.

*  Every few days, try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

*  Homeschooling is going well.  2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job!

*  I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to Twilight Zone.

*  This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.  It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.  I came into the house, told my dog . . . we laughed a lot.

*  So, after this quarantine, will the producers of My 600 Pound life just find me or do I find them?

*  Quarantine Day 5:  Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN.  You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.  I have no clue how this place is still in business!

*  My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

*  Day 5 of Homeschooling:  One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

*  I’m so excited . . . it’s time to take out the garbage.  What to wear, what to wear?

*  I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyardia.  I’m getting tired of Los Livingroomia.

*  Classified Ad:  Single man with toilet paper seeks women with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

*  Day 6 of Homeschooling:  My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year.”  I’m offended.