The Start Menu, How to Shut Down Your Computer

Costello:  I got myself a fancy new computer with Win95

 Abbot:  That's terrific, Lou

 Costello:  But I don't know what any of it means!!

 Abbot:  You will in time.

 Costello:  That's exactly why I am here to see you.

 Abbot:  Oh?

 Costello:  I heard that you are a real computer expert.

 Abbot:  Well, I don't know-

 Costello:  Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to 

train me.

 Abbot:  Really?

 Costello:  Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.

 Abbot:  O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

 Costello:  I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that 

you should be very careful how you turn it off.

  Abbot:  That's true.

 Costello:  So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to 

turn it off. What do I do?

 

 Abbot:  Well, first you press the Start button, and then-

 Costello:  No, I told you, I want to turn it off.

 Abbot:  I know, you press the Start button-

 Costello:  Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to 

start it.  So tell me what to do.

 

 Abbot:  I did.

 Costello:  When?

 Abbot:  When I told you to press the Start button.

 Costello:  Why should I press the Start button?

 Abbot:  To shut off the computer.

 Costello:  I press Start to stop.

 Abbot:  Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

 Costello:  I knew it! So what do I press.

 Abbot:  Start

 Costello:  Start what?

 Abbot:  Start button.

 Costello:  Start button to do what?

 Abbot:  Shut down.

 Costello:  You don't have to get rude!

 Abbot:  No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

 Costello:  Then say what you mean.

 Abbot:  To shut down the computer, press-

 Costello:  Don't say, "Start!"

 Abbot:  Then what do you want me to say?

 Costello:  Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing

to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist

button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.

    

 Abbot:  But that's what you do.

 Costello:  And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green 

lights.

 Abbot:  Don't be ridiculous.

 Costello:  I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we 

started this conversion.

 

 Abbot:  What are you talking about?

 Costello:  I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.