British Army Humour

 An innocent typo was made and all parties involved have gotten as much enjoyment as they could out of it!

Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon completed years of service), that he would receive in addition to his monthly pension. The letter read, "Dear Lt. Colonel Maclaren, We write to confirm that you retired from the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards on 1st March 2001 at the rank of Lt Colonel, having been commissioned into the British Army at Edinburgh Castle as a 2nd Lieutenant on 1st February 1366. Accordingly your lump sum payment, based on years served, has been calculated as £68,500. You will receive a cheque for this amount in due course. Yours sincerely Army Paymaster” Colonel Maclaren replied; “Dear Paymaster, Thank you for your recent letter confirming that I served as an officer in the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards between 1st February 1366 and 1st March 2001 – a total period of 635 years and 1 month. I note however that you have calculated my lump sum to be £68, 500, which seems to be considerably less than it should be bearing in mind my length of service since I received my commission from King Edward III. By my calculation, allowing for interest payments and currency fluctuations, my lump sum should actually be £6, 427, 586, 619. 47p. I look forward to receiving a cheque for this amount in due course. Yours sincerely, Robert Maclaren (Lt Col Retd)” A month passed by and then in early April, a stout manilla envelope from the Ministry of Defence in Edinburgh dropped through Col. Maclaren’s letter box, it read: “Dear Lt Colonel Maclaren, We have reviewed the circumstances of your case as outlined in your recent letter to us dated 8th March inst. We do indeed confirm that you were commissioned into the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards by King Edward III at Edinburgh Castle on 1st February 1366, and that you served continuously for the following 635 years and 1 month. We have re-calculated your pension and have pleasure in confirming that the lump sum payment due to you is indeed £6, 427, 586, 619. 47p. However, we also note that according to our records you are the only surviving officer who had command responsibility during the following campaigns and battles; The Wars of the Roses 1455 -1485 (Including the battles of Bosworth Field, Barnet and Towton) The Civil War 1642 -1651 (Including the battles Edge Hill, Naseby and the conquest of Ireland) The Napoleonic War 1803 – 1815 (including the battle of Waterloo and the Peninsular War) The Crimean War (1853 – 1856) (including the battle of Sevastopol and the Charge of the Light Brigade) The Boer War (1899 -1902) World War One (1914-1918). We would therefore wish to know what happened to the following, which do not appear to have been returned to Stores by you on completion of operations: 9765 Cannons 26,785 Swords 12,889 Pikes 127,345 Rifles (with bayonets) 28,987 horses (fully kitted Plus three complete marching bands with instruments and banners. We have calculated the total cost of these items and they amount to £6,427,518.119.47p. We have therefore subtracted this sum from your lump sum, leaving a residual amount of £68,500, for which you will receive a cheque in due course. Yours sincerely . . . .”

Black and White

via @CherylWroteIt on Twitter

If I’m honest, I don’t see any need for any more arguments or justifications about why the need to make this war the last and finish it once and for all. Forget the media. Forget what other governments want. Forget what all the many commentators say. It’s actually more black and white than is being made out to be:

Hamas wants the total annihilation of Israel and every Jew. They’ve said so a bazillion times, then together with several other terror organizations, they attack us, a sovereign state, on Oct 7, and raped and tortured and murdered many exactly as they’ve been promising for decades. Before Hamas, the PLO/PA led by Yasser Arafat wanted the total annihilation of Israel and all Jews. They’d said so a bazillion times, and committed countless attacks not just in Israel but all over the world. For 75 years, Arab states have repeatedly waged war on Israel with the sole intent of exterminating every Jew and obliterating Israel. We won each war, but thousands of Israeli soldiers and civilians lost their lives. No other country has been attacked as often as Israel with the sole intent to totally annihilate its people. Yet each time we win the war and then sit back and wait for the next time they attack. Well now is that next time. And now must absolutely be the last time. The history is almost irrelevant. Yes it’s our ancestral land. The evidence is beyond concrete and comprehensive. But even moving it that to one side, the facts remain that a sovereign state recognized by the world has been and continues to be attacked by Arabs, whether countries or terror organizations, with the sole intent to massacre us all. There is no “ifs, buts or maybes” or anything else to discuss or argue about. There isn’t a country on Earth forced to accept neighbors in an entire region, nevertheless just a single state, constantly waging wars against them with the intent of total annihilation. Israel would be fully within their rights to use nuclear weapons if they chose to do so to make sure the threat was eliminated. Pause and think. If America or Germany or France, UK, Italy, Australia, China, Japan, South Korea, Brazil, or any country was constantly over a period of a century had its neighbors wage all out war to exterminate them, what would they do? And so, the cold bare facts are clear, and it doesn’t matter how any entity on the planet wishes to paint it otherwise. This is a war between a raving psychotic group of Islamists elected to run a small piece of land they refused to leave which is still funded and armed by several Arab states and working hand in hand with another piece of land with another similar elected group of nutters who happen to have exactly the same ideologies of death and destruction on one hand, versus a sovereign democratic nation defending itself and whose most fundamental fault is that it is a non Muslim nation smack in the middle of a region where Muslim nations want to rule exclusively. That’s it. No grey area. Just black and white. The intent to exterminate Israel and all Jews won’t go away unless Israel either wipes out the threat entirely, or the entire Arab Muslim region miraculously wakes up tomorrow and stops wanting to rule the entire region as a Muslim caliphate exclusively. There isn’t a third option. One side doesn’t want a third option. The world needs to accept that this is just the situation and that like any other sovereign nation on Earth, Israel has the right to defend itself, but not just defend itself a little… defend itself BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY from the intended complete annihilation desired by their eternal enemies. That is where we’re at. That is how this is going to finish. It will be either option 1 which is most likely and will have profound impact, or option 2 which seems so unlikely that it’s just there for a placeholder. So for now, Israel must do, for its survival not just for now but for its future too if it is to even have one, do whatever is necessary.

The People Who Create vs the People Who Destroy

via @CherylWroteIt on Twitter.

Well Mohammed, we can look at it in a different way:

God is almighty. He is omnipresent, which means he is not only everywhere, but everywhere across time and space. So several thousand years ago, God approached Abraham and told him to go to the land that is now Israel, and that his children will build a nation that God has chosen for the Jews. But here is where your excruciatingly limited intellect misinterpreted this message. God is able to see deep and far into the future, and God already knew that mankind was still just an animal and that mankind’s habitual instincts was conquer and survive. God knew that while Jews remained scattered and in minority, they would be defenseless against the habitual violence mankind inherently brought upon humanity. So he wanted to ensure that Jews would have a desert land that they could turn into one filled with greenery and trees and… life. God then also knew that around 560AD, a sick demented and unhinged man with less intelligence than dust mites, an unquenchable thirst for blood, a psychologically unstable god-complex, and a penchant for very young boys, girls and animals would be born and would grow up to plagiarize the true word of God and create a death cult. God knew that this total imbecile would find a group of people even dumber than him who would follow him. God knew that these people were so ridiculously stupid that they would be eternally cursed to wander the Earth killing everyone who was smarter than them (which wasn’t limited to humans as even the aforementioned dust mites trump these people in intellect) so as to ensure that only stupid people would roam the world. God knew that the Jews would quickly become the prime target of this man’s death cult because even the decaying foreskin of a Jewish baby’s penis months after being snipped was still smarter than the entire death cult combined. So he gave them the land of Israel where in 1948, after nearly 2000 years of persecution and nearly 1400 years of massacres and pogroms at the hands of this death cult that was dumber than primordial soup, the Jews would return and build the strongest of armies to finally be able to defend their people against this insanely psychopathic and obscenely stupid death cult. So you see Mohammed, we don’t believe we are ethnically superior. We just weren’t created as thick as a rotting planks of wood like you lot. We have demonstrated wherever we have existed across time that we use our God-given intelligence to create, to turn lifeless desert into green pastures and to turn malaria infested swamplands into clean clear lakes teeming with life. And compared to you guys, look at what you’ve achieved. Every Islamist state is like a movie set… of a scene from a major natural disaster. We turned desert into Tel Aviv. You turn a Tel Aviv into a disease-infested refugee camp and desert. Where we live, trees grow. Where you live even the trees run away. You’re a walking breathing war crime and natural disaster. While Jews have been hit by thousands of terror attacks just in the last 25 years, you guys have committed no less than 44,000 terror attacks. In fact no other demographic of people has committed these terror attacks. None. It’s just you guys. So Mohammed, it’s not ethnic superiority. It’s just the fact that we create life. We exist to live and improve life for all of God’s creations. We have brought so many wonderful inventions of medicine, science, language, arts, culture, cuisine, and… hope. You’ve have brought the world terror. You exist to destroy all of God’s creations because perhaps you just hate God and resent him for the fact that you’re just stupid. We will always fight for the right to exist, for everyone, against those who fight to bring only death and destruction. That’s the difference Mohammed. Perhaps it’s time for you to stop, and be a part of life. Death isn’t an achievement. Life is. So join us. Stop the death. Be human.

A Billion Canadian Dollars doesn't spend like it used to. Same for the United States

 If I give you $1 billion and you stand on a street corner handing out $1 per second, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, you would still not have handed out $1 billion after 31 years!

Now read on. This is true and rather hard to really understand.

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

1. A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.
2. A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.
3. A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
4. A billion days ago, no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
5. A billion Dollars ago was only 13 hours and 12 minutes, at the rate our present government

is spending it.

We are charged:
· Stamp Duty
· Tobacco Tax
· Corporate Income Tax
· Income Tax
· Council Tax
· Unemployment Tax
· Fishing License Tax
· Petrol/Diesel Tax
· Inheritance Tax (tax on top of tax)
· Alcohol Tax
· G.S.T.
· Property Tax
· Purchase Property Tax
· Tax on Title Searches
· Tax on Building Inspections
· Tax on supplements
· Taxes on various food items
· Taxes on Dining out
· Tax on all utilities – Phone, hydro, water, waste disposal
· Service charge taxes
· Social Security Tax
· Vehicle License / Registration Tax
· Vehicle Sales Tax
· Workers Compensation Tax
· And now Carbon Tax


AND I’m sure you can think of more......
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 60 years ago, and our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt.

We had the largest middle class in the world.

A criminal’s life was uncomfortable.

What on earth happened?

I hope this goes around CANADA

MEDICARE "PLAN G" - Nursing Home Plan

 Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you.

So, what do you do?

You opt for "Medicare Plan G".

The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Plan G) and one bullet. You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician. This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you'll receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the Health Care you need.

Need new teeth? No problem.

Need glasses? That's great.

Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart?

They are all covered!

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!

Who will be paying for all of this?

The same government that just told you they can't afford for you to go into a nursing home.

As an added bonus you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it.

Now, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income taxes!

Is this a great country or what?