I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear.
I hate it when I see an old person and then realize we went to high school together.
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen and something else...
The officer said, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
A dog accepts you as the boss. A cat wants to see your resume.
Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.
I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Some people call me crazy. I prefer happy with a twist.
I really don't mind getting old, but my body is having a major fit.
Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
Project Manager. Because Miracle Worker isn't an official job title.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
Measure once, cuss twice
I've reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
If you're happy and you know it, it's your meds.
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