Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age
89, living in Miami, are all excited about their decision to get
married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way
they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob
addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the
owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're
about to get married. Do you sell heart
medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
Jacob: "How
about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All
kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist:
"Definitely."
Jacob: "How about
suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"
Jacob: "Medicine
for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist:
"Yes, a large variety. The Works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins,
sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's
disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Everything
for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure
do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and
canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob:
"Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist: "Sure."
Jacob: "We'd like
to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
Saturday, October 06, 2012
Monday, October 01, 2012
Computer America line-up for the week of October 1, 2012
|
Monday, September 24, 2012
Computer America Line-Up for the week of September 25, 2012
|
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Ending Theme Lyrics for Crayon Shin Chan, English
Woke up late this morning
A storm was really rollin’
Frogs and dogs were raining from the sky
Everything seems awkward to me
Nothing’s just as it should be
If this keeps on I’m sure I won’t get by
A storm was really rollin’
Frogs and dogs were raining from the sky
Everything seems awkward to me
Nothing’s just as it should be
If this keeps on I’m sure I won’t get by
But then I close my eyes and try to smile
I know things are bad and getting worse
But after all this I can rest awhile
And then I’ll party party
I know things are bad and getting worse
But after all this I can rest awhile
And then I’ll party party
Party Party Join us Join us
Party Party Join us Join us
Party Party Join us Join us
Shake your day away and you can
Party Party Join us Join us
Party Party Join us Join us
Party Party Join us Join us
Shake your blues away
Party Party Join us Join us
Party Party Join us Join us
Shake your day away and you can
Party Party Join us Join us
Party Party Join us Join us
Party Party Join us Join us
Shake your blues away
Yo Reggae vacation Mon
This party’s shakin’
and it ain’t just shakin’ me here
I see that smile
You’re grinnin’ ear to ear
Sing this song
And you should really sing it clear
Just sing along with us
This party’s shakin’
and it ain’t just shakin’ me here
I see that smile
You’re grinnin’ ear to ear
Sing this song
And you should really sing it clear
Just sing along with us
Party Party Join us Join us
Party Party Join us Join us
Party Party Join us Join us
Shake your day away and you can
PARTY PARTY
PARTY PARTY
PARTY PARTY
Party Party Join us Join us
Party Party Join us Join us
Shake your day away and you can
PARTY PARTY
PARTY PARTY
PARTY PARTY
Monday, September 17, 2012
Computer America line-up for the week of 17 September, 2012
|
Monday, September 10, 2012
Computer America Show line up for the week of 10 September, 2012
|
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
"Jesus Is Watching You"
A burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin,
clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more,
after a bit, he shook his head and
continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so
he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked,
'I'm just trying to warn you that he is
watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you ?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a
Rottweiler Jesus.'
He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin,
clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more,
after a bit, he shook his head and
continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so
he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked,
'I'm just trying to warn you that he is
watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you ?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a
Rottweiler Jesus.'
Monday, September 03, 2012
Computer America Show line up for the week of 3 September, 2012
|
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tech Teach
Today we covered some of the things that Internet Explorer offers, sort of like the Desktop class. We started with the Address Bar, where you type in a URL (Universal Resource Locator) that you already know. Examples of this would be: www.google.com; www.target.com; www.yourbanknamehere.com. If you have previously typed an address here, Internet Explorer will remember it (until you delete the History) in alphabetical order in a drop-down list which you can scroll through with the arrow keys on your keyboard.
Some add-ons will place a Search Bar below the Address Bar in Internet Explorer. (Firefox has a Search Bar to the right by default.) The Search Bar is what you want to use if you don't know the exact address of a web site. You might use terms like "blue mini-vans" or "plaid fabric with gold" in your searches. Google is one of many search engines. Bing, Yahoo, Excite are also search engines. But, the Search Bar does come with some risk. Make sure that the web site you are going to is the one you want. Some scammers will try to get you to go to places that are slightly misspelled. "golden1credit" is not the same as "goldenlcredit" for example. Internet Explorer comes with the Smart Screen Filter that is supposed to check out web sites before you go to them. Google has a double chevron pointing to right indicating that you can see a thumbnail of the site before you go to it. Then you can get a preview of the site.
If a page is using HTTPS (secure), the Address Bar will turn green and have a closed lock in the address
In the upper right corner are the Minimize, Maximize and Close buttons. Minimize sends the window to the Taskbar, maximize makes it fill the screen and Close exit the program. You can also use the F11 key to engage kiosk mode which makes IE fill the whole screen.
Also in the upper right are the Home, Favorites and Tools buttons. They are the house, star and gear. If you click on the Home button, IE will take you back to your Home Page. If you right-click on the Home button, it will give you options for displaying various toolbars, locking those toolbars, showing tabs on a different row (below the Address Bar), and adding or changing your Home Page. You can have more than one Home Page and each will open in its own tab.
The Favorites button (star) will allow you to add the current page to your Favorites and in that window, arrange the Favorites in an order you prefer. The "Add to Favorites" button has a little arrow that gives you more options to import and export your Favorites and to organize them.
The Feeds button is for setting up RSS feeds, but there's not much call for those anymore.
The History button is for looking at sites IE has visited before, but you may not have Favorited them. You can look back, up to three weeks, and see where your browser has been and go back to those sites.
The Tools button (gear) contains options to print, zoom, safety settings, view files that have been downloaded, manage add-ons, developer tools, pinned sites, Internet Options, and About IE. Also, this is where the File menu has moved to. Seems to be mostly for things that didn't fit anywhere else: Add site to Start Menu, Full Screen (F11 mode), Save As, Find on this page, Suggested sites, and Caret Browsing (puts a moveable cursor on the screen to select text). The Internet Options item is the same as the one from the Control Panel where you can change your Home Page and delete the Internet temporary files and history.
If you have the Status Bar turned on, it will be at the bottom of the screen and shows you what files are being displayed for the web page you are loading and the address of a link if you hover the mouse. It also offers a place to change the zoom settings, which work just like the to zoom in and out.
In the upper left, IE has Back and Forward buttons. If you right-click (remember, right-click on everything, sometimes you'll get a hidden menu of things you can do), you will get a list of the web sites IE has visited and you can click on the one you want to go back, or forwards, to load again.
Some keyboard short cuts:
History:
Home:
View Favorites:
Tools:
View downloads:
Change zoom: or (plus and minus signs)
Set zoom to 100%: (zero)
Bring up File menu:
Control and any underlined command will do that command, such as in the FIle Menu any of the underlined letters plus the key. So that print the page is , these commands are the same across IR and Firefox.
Some add-ons will place a Search Bar below the Address Bar in Internet Explorer. (Firefox has a Search Bar to the right by default.) The Search Bar is what you want to use if you don't know the exact address of a web site. You might use terms like "blue mini-vans" or "plaid fabric with gold" in your searches. Google is one of many search engines. Bing, Yahoo, Excite are also search engines. But, the Search Bar does come with some risk. Make sure that the web site you are going to is the one you want. Some scammers will try to get you to go to places that are slightly misspelled. "golden1credit" is not the same as "goldenlcredit" for example. Internet Explorer comes with the Smart Screen Filter that is supposed to check out web sites before you go to them. Google has a double chevron pointing to right indicating that you can see a thumbnail of the site before you go to it. Then you can get a preview of the site.
If a page is using HTTPS (secure), the Address Bar will turn green and have a closed lock in the address
In the upper right corner are the Minimize, Maximize and Close buttons. Minimize sends the window to the Taskbar, maximize makes it fill the screen and Close exit the program. You can also use the F11 key to engage kiosk mode which makes IE fill the whole screen.
Also in the upper right are the Home, Favorites and Tools buttons. They are the house, star and gear. If you click on the Home button, IE will take you back to your Home Page. If you right-click on the Home button, it will give you options for displaying various toolbars, locking those toolbars, showing tabs on a different row (below the Address Bar), and adding or changing your Home Page. You can have more than one Home Page and each will open in its own tab.
The Favorites button (star) will allow you to add the current page to your Favorites and in that window, arrange the Favorites in an order you prefer. The "Add to Favorites" button has a little arrow that gives you more options to import and export your Favorites and to organize them.
The Feeds button is for setting up RSS feeds, but there's not much call for those anymore.
The History button is for looking at sites IE has visited before, but you may not have Favorited them. You can look back, up to three weeks, and see where your browser has been and go back to those sites.
The Tools button (gear) contains options to print, zoom, safety settings, view files that have been downloaded, manage add-ons, developer tools, pinned sites, Internet Options, and About IE. Also, this is where the File menu has moved to. Seems to be mostly for things that didn't fit anywhere else: Add site to Start Menu, Full Screen (F11 mode), Save As, Find on this page, Suggested sites, and Caret Browsing (puts a moveable cursor on the screen to select text). The Internet Options item is the same as the one from the Control Panel where you can change your Home Page and delete the Internet temporary files and history.
If you have the Status Bar turned on, it will be at the bottom of the screen and shows you what files are being displayed for the web page you are loading and the address of a link if you hover the mouse. It also offers a place to change the zoom settings, which work just like the
In the upper left, IE has Back and Forward buttons. If you right-click (remember, right-click on everything, sometimes you'll get a hidden menu of things you can do), you will get a list of the web sites IE has visited and you can click on the one you want to go back, or forwards, to load again.
Some keyboard short cuts:
History:
Home:
View Favorites:
Tools:
View downloads:
Change zoom:
Set zoom to 100%:
Bring up File menu:
Control
Monday, August 27, 2012
Computer America Show line up for the week of 27 August, 2012
|
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Sounds like something that would happen to me....
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
( But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
( But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Farmer John's Chicken Problem
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural
highway. But as time went by, the traffic
slowly built up and became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being
run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the local police station and said, "You've got
to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing my
chickens."
"What do you want us to do?" asked the policeman. "I don't care, just do
something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day the policeman had the
Main Road’s workers Go out to erect a sign that said:
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, "You've got to
do something about these drivers. The School Crossing sign seems to make
them go even faster!" So, again, the policeman sends out the Main Roads
Workers, and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every
day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the policeman, "Your signs are doing
no good at all ... Can I put up my own sign?" The policeman said, "Sure, go
ahead." He was willing to let Farmer John do just about anything In order to
get him to stop calling to complain.
The policeman got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later,
curiosity got the best of the policeman and he decided to give Farmer John a
call. “ How’s the Problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did,” replied Farmer John, ”and not one chicken has been killed
since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.
The policeman was really curious and he thought to himself, "I'd better go
out there and take a look at that sign … it might Be something that WE could
use to slow down drivers."
So he drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he
saw the sign. It was spray painted on a sheet of wood....
NUDIST COLONY Go slow and watch out for chicks!
slowly built up and became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being
run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the local police station and said, "You've got
to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing my
chickens."
"What do you want us to do?" asked the policeman. "I don't care, just do
something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day the policeman had the
Main Road’s workers Go out to erect a sign that said:
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, "You've got to
do something about these drivers. The School Crossing sign seems to make
them go even faster!" So, again, the policeman sends out the Main Roads
Workers, and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every
day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the policeman, "Your signs are doing
no good at all ... Can I put up my own sign?" The policeman said, "Sure, go
ahead." He was willing to let Farmer John do just about anything In order to
get him to stop calling to complain.
The policeman got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later,
curiosity got the best of the policeman and he decided to give Farmer John a
call. “ How’s the Problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did,” replied Farmer John, ”and not one chicken has been killed
since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.
The policeman was really curious and he thought to himself, "I'd better go
out there and take a look at that sign … it might Be something that WE could
use to slow down drivers."
So he drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he
saw the sign. It was spray painted on a sheet of wood....
NUDIST COLONY Go slow and watch out for chicks!
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.
Thanks to Gary fro this one!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Computer America lineup for the week of August 20, 2012
Lineup for the week:
|
|
Monday ---------- Hour one: CityMac. This is an Apple store that's privately owned. Craig talks to the store's owner about how he views the industry and why people should consider alternate computer stores like CityMac which has now grown into 3 locations! |
|
Monday ---------- Hour two: Craig and Ben do Computer and Technology News and answer your computer questions! |
|
Tuesday ---------- Hours one and two: Linux Show. Every third Tuesday of the month, we have an all Linux show! Joining Craig and Ben once again is Larry Bushey, the Creator and host of the "Going Linux Podcast." |
|
Wednesday ---------- Hour one: Clickfree. When it comes to making backups, Clickfree is about as easy as it gets! Just hook up a Clickfree external drive to your computer and it does the rest! Also hear about the new directions Clickfree is taking and its latest products! |
|
Wednesday ---------- Hour two: Craig and Ben do Computer and Technology News and answer your computer questions! |
|
Thursday ---------- Both Hours: Steve Stockman, author of "How To Shoot Video That Doesn't Suck" tells you how to shoot great videos that everyone will want to watch! Steve will be focusing on "Back to School" videos tonight! |
|
Friday ---------- Hour one: NETGEAR. You have WiFi in your home or office but the wireless router is too far away for a great WiFi signal! So what do you do? Buy another router? You can't because it needs to be next to your computer. But you CAN get a Range Extender! In fact, you can get a range extender for every room in your home if you like. Hear all about NETGEAR's WN1000RP and how it can improve your overall wireless network's range! |
|
Friday ---------- Hour two: Craig and Ben do Computer and Technology News and answer your computer questions! |
|
Sunday ---------- We are broadcasting LIVE on BlogTalkRadio this Sunday! Tune us in at 3pm, ET with special guest, Michael Miller! Our normal Saturday Show on BlogTalkRadio will be heard LIVE this Sunday at 3PM, ET and only this Sunday. We will resume the normal Saturday Show the following week! Mike is one of Computer America's Special Correspondents. Michael Miller is a proven and successful non-fiction writer on a variety of technical, business, and lifestyle-related topics. He has written more than 100 books in the last two decades that have collectively sold more than one million copies. His best-selling books include The Ultimate Web Marketing Guide, YouTube for Business, and Facebook for Grown-Ups for Que Publishing. He has established a reputation for being able to explain difficult concepts to everyday readers in easy-to-understand language. |
Monday, August 13, 2012
Computer America Show for the week of August 13, 2012
|
May Your Hard Disk Never Become Floppy! See you next week!
Run Corvette, Run!
A Florida
senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for
this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for
this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
Calls from Microsoft
Going to take a minute or three about something that's been coming up of late. People are getting phone calls from someone (usually with a non-English accent) saying they are with Microsoft and that Microsoft has detected a virus on the computer. They ever offer to clean it for you.
This is a scam to gain entry to your computer and use it to attack other computers, use it for an e-mail spam server or steal or your login and password information. Microsoft will rarely if ever call you. It costs too much money. Most likely, these people are just going through a list of numbers cold calling people.
The only thing you should do in this case is hang up. They can not gain access to your computer unless you allow them to do so. You should only give access to your computer to people you trust.
If you think your something is going on with your computer, update your anti-virus and full scan. Then update your anti-malware and run a full scan. Yes, this can take a long time, but it's worth spending that time now rather than trying to backup all your data and re-installing Windows later.
Monday, August 06, 2012
Computer America Show line up for the week of 6 August, 2012
|
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Abe and Esther
Abe and Esther are flying to
Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our
lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks,"Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our MasterCard yet?" "Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send cheque for the Visa this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our
lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks,"Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our MasterCard yet?" "Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send cheque for the Visa this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
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