This year's Darwin Awards... Hard to make this up!

  Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:

An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
 
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:  
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
 
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
 
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association. A person has to wonder what the dimmer members of this law firm are like. (Apologies to lawyers everywhere.)
 
Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:  
Michael Anderson Godwin had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
 
Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A Dunkirk, IN man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
 
Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death.   "Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred," said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police.   "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
 
Nominee No. 8: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.   The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.   After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.   Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead," stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia Poole (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck?

Jasmine

                       In 2003, police in  Warwickshire , England, opened a garden shed and found a  whimpering, cowering dog. The dog had been locked in the shed  and abandoned. It was dirty and malnourished, and had quite  clearly been abused. 

In an act of kindness,  the police took the dog, which was a female greyhound, to the  Nuneaton Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary, which is run by a  man named Geoff Grewcock, and known as a haven for animals  abandoned, orphaned, or otherwise in need. 


Geoff and the other  sanctuary staff went to work with two aims: to restore the dog  to full health, and to win her trust. It took several weeks,  but eventually both goals were achieved. They named her  Jasmine, and they started to think about finding her an  adoptive home. 
 
           

Jasmine, however, had  other ideas. No one quite remembers how it came about, but  Jasmine started welcoming all animal arrivals at the  sanctuary. It would not matter if it were a puppy, a fox cub,  a rabbit or, any other lost or hurting animal. Jasmine would  just peer into the box or cage and, when and where possible,  deliver a welcoming lick. 
                  Geoff relates one of the  early incidents. "We had two puppies that had been abandoned  by a nearby railway line. One was a Lakeland Terrier cross and  another was a Jack Russell Doberman cross. They were tiny when  they arrived at the center, and Jasmine approached them and  grabbed one by the scruff of the neck in her mouth and put him  on the settee. Then she fetched the other one and sat down  with them, cuddling them."


"But she is like that  with all of our animals, even the rabbits. She takes all the  stress out of them, and it helps them to not only feel close  to her, but to settle into their new surroundings. She has  done the same with the fox and badger cubs, she licks the  rabbits and guinea pigs, and even lets the birds perch on the  bridge of her nose."
                 Jasmine, the timid,  abused, deserted waif, became the animal sanctuary's resident  surrogate mother, a role for which she might have been born.  The list of orphaned and abandoned youngsters she has cared  for comprises five fox cubs, four badger cubs, fifteen chicks,  eight guinea pigs, two stray puppies and fifteen rabbits - and  one roe deer fawn. Tiny Bramble, eleven weeks old, was found  semi-conscious in a field. Upon arrival at the sanctuary,  Jasmine cuddled up to her to keep her warm, and then went into  the full foster-mum role. Jasmine the greyhound showers  Bramble the roe deer with affection, and makes sure nothing is  matted.
                  "They are inseparable,"  says Geoff. "Bramble walks between her legs, and they keep  kissing each other. They walk together round the sanctuary.  It's a real treat to see them."
 

 
              Jasmine will continue to  care for Bramble until she is old enough to be returned to  woodland life. When that happens, Jasmine will not be lonely.  She will be too busy showering love and affection on the next  orphan or victim of abuse.
                 Pictured from the left  are: "Toby," a stray Lakeland dog; "Bramble," orphaned roe  deer; "Buster," a stray Jack Russell; a dumped rabbit; "Sky,"  an injured barn owl; and "Jasmine," with a mother's heart  doing best what a caring mother would do...and such is the  order of God's Creation....

On the 8th day, God created Seniors!

 And on the 8th day, God created Seniors.

 

Most seniors never get enough exercise.  In His wisdom, God decreed that a senior become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other things, thus doing more walking.  And God looked down and saw that it was good.

 

Then God saw there was another need.  In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch.  And God looked down and saw that it was good

 

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.  God looked down and saw that it was good.

 

So, if you find, as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will.  It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath. 

 

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older

 

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

 

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

 

#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 

#6   Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart.  If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

 

#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.  Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

 

#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

 

#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

 

#2 In the '60s, people took LSD to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers.  What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

The #Stella Awards

 · SEVENTH PLACE

 

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of

her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was

running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably

surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own

son.

 

Start scratching!

· SIXTH PLACE *

 

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical

expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.

Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the

car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

 

Scratch some more...

· FIFTH PLACE *

 

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had

just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the

automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the

garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the

door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it

shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a

case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's

insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury

said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.

We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are

more...

 

Double hand scratching after this one.

· FOURTH PLACE *

 

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the

Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being

bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though

the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not

get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might

have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had

climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with

a pellet gun

 

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot.

· THIRD PLACE *

 

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a

Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a

spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone The reason the soft drink

was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds

earlier during an argument.

 

Only two more so ease up on the scratching..

 

*SECOND PLACE*

 

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a

nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor,

knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to

sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover

charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh,

yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure

 

Ok. Here we go!!

· FIRST PLACE *

 

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv

Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot

Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football

game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at

70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the

Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home

left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs.

Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that

she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control

was set The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?

 

$1,750,000.

 

PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a

result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who

might also buy a motor home.

Little Grey Cells Test

 Have fun with these...

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name? 

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?  

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? 

4. How much dirt is there in a hole... that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? 

5. What word in the English Language... is always spelled incorrectly? 

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? 

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? 

8. What was the President's Name...in 1975? 

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? 

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? 

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? 

 Here are the Answers: (No peeking!)  

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

Answer: Johnny, of course.

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? 

Answer: Meat. 

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? 

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this are you?] 

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? 

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole. 

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?  

Answer: Incorrectly 

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? 

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere. 

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? 

Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures. 

8. What was the President's Name in 1975? 

Answer: Same as is it now - Joe Biden 

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? 

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first. 

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? 

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh] 

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? 

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one. 

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD 

1) You can't count your hair. 

2) You can't wash your eyes with soap. 

3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out. 

Put your tongue back in your mouth!!

Ten (10) Things I know about you. 

  
1) You are reading this. 
  
2) You are human. 
  
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips. 
  
4) You just attempted to do it. 
  
6) You are laughing at yourself. 
  
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5. 
  
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5. 
  
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too. 
  
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it 

  
Keep that brain working; try to figure this one out... 
  
See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common? 
1. Banana 
2. Dresser 
3. Grammar 
4. Potato 
5. Revive 
6. Uneven 
7. Assess 
  
  
Give it another try... 
Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the Answer. This is so cool..... 
  

  
 Answer: 

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. 

Downtown SLO

 

Tech Teach for December 20, 2022

 Hello everyone!

It's been way too long since one of these went out.  Sorry.  Been a few changes in my life lately, still a few more to come.  No worries, not planning on going anywhere yet.

Next Sunday is Christmas Day!  Hope everyone is having a good time with decoration, wrapping gifts, and spending time with friends and family.  Oh, my, it seems like it went so quickly this year.

I know many people are out shopping, both in person and online.  Keep a close eye on your statements.  Scams can happen at any time, this time of year the most.  If anyone calls saying they are from your financial institutions, your stores, or from some technology company ("Hi, this is Microsoft, your computer is sending viruses!"), hang up on them.  Or use some of your "loquatius" words on them!  I've had two people nearly get taken for multiple thousands of dollars.  They'll ask you to transfer funds, get gift cards, or make some kind of transaction to move money from you to them.  Please, if it sounds funky, it probably is funky.

Better yet, let your answering machine answer the phone.  Then block the numbers.

Call your bank, credit union credit card or other financial institutions immediately.  You'll be spending days, if not weeks, changing account numbers, passwords, and other information to get things straightened out.

Gentle reminder to run your computer's anti-virus and anti-malware software.  Windows Defender, Avast, Avira, Norton, whatever's installed.  Malwarebytes AntiMalware if you have it.  If not, go to ninite.com, click the box and follow the instructions.  All the software there is free for downloading and use.  (If you have Windows 10, do not install Windows Security Essentials, you already have it as Windows Defender.)  If you choose another security software, Windows Defender will be disabled in favor of your choice.

Also, with the end of the year, deals for technology are everywhere.  If you're looking at a new computer, 8GB (gigabyte) of memory is a must.  If you are a casual user, you might be able to get away with 250GB of storage.  Like taking pictures or creating documents?  Go for 1TB (terabyte) / 1000GB for all those moments!

I'd also try to avoid "entry-level" processors, like Pentium or Athlon.  Try to go for at least a Core i3 or Ryzen 3.

Unless you are playing games (something more graphically stressful than Solitaire), the onboard video is fine.  If you want to play games (like my favorite game, Elite Dangerous), or edit photos and videos, then you want a dedicated video card.  You might see these being called "nVidia GeForce" or "AMD Radeon" with differing levels of performance.  Higher numbers are usually better.  So an RTX 3080 is better than an RTX 3050, while an RX6400 is the entry level, and an RX 6700 is better.

If you look around and don't find something that meets your needs, let me know.  I'll do my best to help.  If it's a desktop, buying parts and building a computer is a great option.  Then you get exactly the parts for what you want to do.  (And I really enjoy building computers.)

I don't think you can go too wrong with any of the manufacturers right now.  Though, I do have my favorites.  Dell, Asus, Acer are ones I tend toward, with HP still being toward the bottom.  Your experience may differ.  I've had some HP's last years and years, while some Dells have been long gone to the recyclers.

If the budget is tight (I know how that is), Dell usually has some awesome deals on their refurbished computers.  Plus, Dell keeps a list of current coupons for use.  Some items are on sale for as much as 55% off for some workstation class machines.

If you have lots of files, make a backup of the data.  Easy way is just a flash drive of some size, I'd say at least 64GB USB flash drive, for as little as $5.50.  If you want to make a larger backup, then you are looking at a USB external hard drive.  They come in two forms now: Solid State Drive (SSD) and Hard Drive (HD).  The big difference is that SSDs have no moving parts (using chips like memory to store data), while HDs use a spinning disk to store data. 

HDs start about $50 for 1TB / 1000GB, SSDs are about the same for 256GB.

Thank you for your time and allowing me to help with your computer needs.

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to let me know.  I'll always do my best to help.  And if you know someone that might be helped by this email, please forward it along.

And on that, let me wish everyone a wonderful holiday season!

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to everyone!

All my best to everyone!

Seven Questions

 

THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE.  PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE ASKS SEVEN QUESTIONS, WHICH  HE ANSWERS QUITE SIMPLY. BUT THEN SHE IS SPEECHLESS IN TRYING TO RESPOND TO ONLY ONE QUESTION FROM HIM. Wife: DO YOU DRINK BEER? Husband: YES Wife : HOW MANY BEERS A DAY? Husband: USUALLY ABOUT THREE. Wife: HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER? Husband: $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!) Wife: AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING? Husband: ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE. Wife: SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY  WHICH PUTS YOUR SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450. IN ONE YEAR,  IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY $5400 CORRECT? Husband: CORRECT!   Wife: IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $5400, NOT ACCOUNTING FOR  INFLATION, THE PAST 20 YEARS PUTS YOUR SPENDING AT  $108,000 CORRECT? Husband: CORRECT! Wife: DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DIDN'T DRINK SO MUCH BEER, THAT MONEY COULD HAVE  BEEN PUT IN A STEP-UP INTEREST SAVINGS ACCOUNT AND   AFTER ACCOUNTING FOR COMPOUND INTEREST FOR THE PAST  20 YEARS, YOU COULD HAVE NOW BOUGHT AN AIRPLANE?   Husband: DO YOU DRINK BEER? Wife: NO. Husband: WHERE'S YOUR AIRPLANE?