The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown
Ostrich behind him The waitress asks them for
Their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's
Yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the
Order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man
Reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact
Change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come
Again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and
Pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.
"The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is
Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato
And a salad," says the man. "Same," says the
Ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order
And says, "That will be $32.62." Once again
The man pulls the exact change out of his pocket
And places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any
Longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to
Always come up with the exact change in your
Pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was
Cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When
I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me
Two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had
To pay for anything, I would just put my hand
In my pocket and the right amount of money
Would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people
Would ask for a Million Dollars or something,
But you'll always be as rich as you want for as
Long as you live!"

"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a
Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,"
Says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second
Wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long
Legs who agrees with everything I say.."

Arizona

A friend moved to Arizona a few years ago.  She has horses and goes on rides with her friends.










Sent me some pictures a few days ago.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

*  Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.  The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

*  I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.  Now I turn it  like I’m cracking a safe.

*  I need to practice social distancing from . . . the refrigerator.

*  Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter/Passover . . . The Living Room or The Bedroom.

*  Every few days, try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

*  Homeschooling is going well.  2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job!

*  I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to Twilight Zone.

*  This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.  It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.  I came into the house, told my dog . . . we laughed a lot.

*  So, after this quarantine, will the producers of My 600 Pound life just find me or do I find them?

*  Quarantine Day 5:  Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN.  You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.  I have no clue how this place is still in business!

*  My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

*  Day 5 of Homeschooling:  One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

*  I’m so excited . . . it’s time to take out the garbage.  What to wear, what to wear?

*  I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyardia.  I’m getting tired of Los Livingroomia.

*  Classified Ad:  Single man with toilet paper seeks women with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

*  Day 6 of Homeschooling:  My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year.”  I’m offended.