Cowboy Logic

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere

When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though...."

How Kids See Their Grandparents

*1. **She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup under the watchful

eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she

applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But

Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I'll probably never

put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper

good-bye.*

*2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me happy birthday. He

asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a

moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"*

*3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old

slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the

children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.

Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,

putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she

heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,* *"Who was THAT?"*

*4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own

childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made

from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We

picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed,

taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you

sooner!"*

*5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know

how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No,

how are we alike?'' "You're both real old," he replied.*

*6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word

processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he

asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."*

*7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I

decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.

She would tell me, and she was always correct. It was fun for me, so I

continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you

should try figuring out some of this stuff for yourself!"*

*8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the

lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.

Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy

whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us

with flashlights."*

*9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not

sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "Mine says I'm 4 to

6."*

*10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,

"Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The

grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's

interesting." she said, warily. "How do you make babies?” "It's easy,"

replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."*

*11. "Give me a sentence about a public servant," instructed the teacher

during a lesson. One small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder

pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know

what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently.

'It means carrying a child."*

*12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day

when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck

was a Dalmatian dog.* *The children started discussing the dog's

duties.* *"They use him to keep crowds back," offered one child.*

*"No," said another, "he's just for good luck.”* *A third child brought the argument to a close.

"They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."*

*13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she

lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when

we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."*

*14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I

don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!*

*15. My Grandparents are funny. When they bend over, you hear gas leaks,

and they blame their dog.*