SUCCESS:

At age 3 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.

At age 17 success is . . . Having a driver's license.

At age 35 success is . . . Having money.

At age 50 success is . . . Having money.

At age 70 success is . . . Having a driver’s license.

At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.

At age 85 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.

The Gambler

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland  arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice. 
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when  I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby,  Mama needs new clothes!" 
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down. 
And squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of  the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. 
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. 
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The  other   answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." 

MORAL OF THE STORY 

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, 
...... But all men...are men!