IF BUD AND LOU WERE HERE TODAY

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello , and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For
those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO : Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT : Mac?

COSTELLO : No, the name's Lou .

ABBOTT : Your computer?

COSTELLO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT : Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou .

ABBOTT : What about Windows?

COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO : I don't know. What will I see when I look at the
windows?

ABBOTT : Wallpaper.

COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT : Software for Windows?

COSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT : Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT : I just did.

COSTELLO : You just did what?

ABBOTT : Recommend something.

COSTELLO : You recommended something ?

ABBOTT : Yes.

COSTELLO : For my office?

ABBOTT : Yes.

COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT : Office.

COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT : Word.

COSTELLO : What word?

ABBOTT : Word in Office.

COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO : I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO : That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT : Money.

COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT : It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO : What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT : Money.

COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT : One copy.

COSTELLO : Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT : Click on 'START'.............

Catholic Shampoo

TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER, ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER, " WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"

THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED, "INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."

"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM" THE OTHER NUN REPLIED, AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.

THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER. "WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR" THE NUN SAID, "BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO.

WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER. PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER.

HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID: "THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE."

Computer America Show -- week of 7/25/2011

Monday
-------
Hour one: Author Chris Hadnagy aka loganWHD, has been involved with
computers and technology for over 13 years. Presently his focus is on
the “human” aspect of technology such as social engineering and physical
security. Chris has spent time in providing training in many topics and
also has had many articles published in local, national and
international magazines and journals. He presently is the operations
manager of Offensive Security and the lead developer of
Social-Engineer.Org. He is the author of the book, Social Engineering:
The Art of Human Hacking.

Hour two: Cisco just announced a new wireless-N dual-band entertainment
bridge aimed at bringing consumers the ultimate home theater and gaming
experience. The new bridge allows consumers to connect any home
entertainment device very quickly to their wireless network for rock
solid performance in streaming 3D/HD video and music, connecting and
playing games online through a gaming console, and much more.


Tuesday
-------

First hour and a half: CarCheckup. The mission of CarCheckup is to
empower consumers to take full advantage of the information available
from their automobiles by helping them understand their vehicle’s
information system.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!


Wednesday
-------
Hour one: Matt Rodela is an independent computer consultant. My goal is
to help people start and grow a successful Computer Repair Business by
sharing what he has learn along the way.

Hour two: Dick DeBartolo, the GizWiz and Mad Magazine's maddest writer
joins us for the latest technology gadgets and wild stuff from the Internet!


Thursday
--------
Hour one and Hour two: Author Steve Stockman. His book "How To Shoot
Video That Doesn't Suck" tells you how to shoot really great video.
Tune if for some of his best tips and tricks!


Friday
--------
First hour and a half: G Data. Hear all about their brand new Total
Security 2012 which received a 99.6 percent detection rate by
AV-Comparatives. In addition to their dual-scanning engine, the product
keeps consumers protected with features like fingerprinting, silent
firewall and low system load.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Just One Wish...

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die right after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!"

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

Computer America for week of 7/18

Monday
-------
Hour one: Avatron Software. This productivity app turn your iPad, iPhone
or MacBook into an extra wireless monitor. It is one of the top-grossing
third-party apps on iTunes and adds up to 70 percent more screen space
for your use. The latest version of the app even offers a video-out
capability, so you can plug-in and use Air Display with a TV or
projector.

Hour two: Sculpteo. 3D printing is a prototyping process that makes it
possible to create an actual object from a 3D computer file. Material
is deposited and solidified layer by layer, creating a three-dimensional
object. Sculpteo offers a fast 3D printing service which is open to all.
They start from your 3D design to manufacture a specific object:
interior decoration, figurines, robots, miniatures, scale models.


Tuesday
-------

Hours one and two: Every third Tuesday of the month, we have an all
Linux show! Joining Craig and Ben once again is Larry Bushey, the
Creator and host of the “Going Linux Podcast.”


Wednesday
-------
Hours one and two: We continue our newest segment: Freebie Night with Gizmo!
Tune in as we talk about the newest, hottest and most useful FREE software
Products to hit the planet!


Thursday
--------
Hour one and Hour two: Gregory Evans. Joining Craig and Ben with the
return of the world’s greatest computer security expert. Tonight he
joins us to talk about hacking in its many forms, and how you can
protect your computer from malware invasions.


Friday
--------
Hour one and two: Gene Steinberg. Apple’s newest operating system is
here! It’s called OS X Lion and Gene’s had it for weeks! Tune in to
hear all about Apple’s latest OS that sports over 250 new features!
------------------------------

See you next week!

Mule Economic Recovery Program

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis & Leroy replied, "well, then just give us our money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.

"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.."

Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."

The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

They're overseeing the Economic Recovery Program..

Medal of Honor recipient

Staff Sergeant Leroy Petry

Computer America for week of 7/11

Lineup for the week:


Monday
-------
Hour one: Team Viewer connects to any PC or server around the world
within a few seconds. You can remote control your partner's PC as if you
were sitting right in front of it. Find out why more than 100 million
users trust TeamViewer!

Hour two: Christopher Breen. Senior Editor of Macworld Magazine. Hear
the latest from Apple!


Tuesday
-------

Hours one and two: Our Gamer Tuesdays are back! Joining us is IGN.com.
Daemon Hatfield is the Senior Editor of IGN.com and our newest
correspondent. He will talk about the hottest games and products!


Wednesday
-------
Hour one: It's Wednesday Madness! You never know who may stop in! Plus
it's OPEN phone lines! We answer your questions on ANY computer and
technology topic. We read your emails and Feedbacks, play your voice
messages, it's anything goes! Gabriel Torres, Editor of Hardware Secrets
joins us for both hours!

Hour two: Wednesday Madness continues with more of your emails,
late-breaking computer news and more!


Thursday
--------
Hour one: Ed Begley Jr.'s name has literally become synonymous with the
living green movement. Tonight, Ed will speak on how technology has
helped his environmental efforts. We'll hear which technology he uses in
his cars, his home and throughout his daily life to make living green a
little easier than it used to be.

Hour two: Not Scheduled as of Press Time.


Friday
--------
Hour one: Not Scheduled as of Press Time.

Hour two: Angie's List. Find detailed reviews on roofers, plumbers,
house cleaners, dentists and more! Over 1 Million members check Angie's
List before they hire.