A Trip To Costco

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I
have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

How to Grow Up

A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELED HIS GRANDSON THAT IF HE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HIS OATMEAL EVERY MORNING. THE GRANDSON DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103 WHEN HE DIED. HE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, AND A 15-FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE.
Sorta brings a tear to your eye, don't it?

How To Clean House

1. Open a new file in your PC .

2. Name it 'Housework.'

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

4.. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

5. Your PC will ask you,
'Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?'

6. Calmly answer, 'Yes' and press mouse button firmly ...

7. Feel better?

The Pledge

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG,
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA ,


AND TO THE REPUBLIC,
FOR WHICH IT STANDS,


ONE NATION UNDER GOD,

INDIVISIBLE,
WITH
LIBERTY
AND
JUSTICE
FOR ALL!

Remember the Fourth of July!

I know it's a bit early, but we need to keep remembering this, not just on July 4th, but every day the United States of America is defended by the valiant people of the military.

As we prepared to celebrate our nation's freedom many of us will head off to near and distant places to play and relax...enjoying time with family and friends, but....there will be the American Soldier who will be fighting on distant shores to preserve freedom for all of us. As you plan your holiday, please consider including prayer for our soldiers.

Help for a little boy

Please read this blog and comment and let Shaun and his family know that people all over the world are pulling for him, and them! What a tragedy to happen to a little kid and his family. Any prayers and though

http://shaunpennington.blogspot.com/2010/06/my-story.html

Thank you very much!

BEWARE OF UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!

One evening a husband,
thinking he was being funny, said to his
wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim
Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'


His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply
couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a
little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out..

'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put
talcum powder in my underwear?'


She replied with a snicker,
'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!!

You
guys just never learn...

Do not tick off the little woman.

Things you can do with Windows 7 Part 2

By default, Windows 7 groups same programs in the Taskbar under one icon. Sometimes, this is handy if you have a small monitor. BUt if you switch between windows often, this may not be a feature you want active. You can turn it off by right-clicking on the Taskbar, clicking on Properties, and then changing the drop down menu next to Taskbar Buttons from "Combine when Taskbar is Full" to "Never Combine." Then each window will have it's own button.