Voices from the Future

Censorship

2012-01-16T16:43:00.001-08:00

1998 - After reading two pages of Toni Morrison's acclaimed American novel Song of Solomon, St. Mary's County, Maryland commissioners unanimously agreed with the school superintendent's decision to remove it from the curriculum, calling the book "filth" and "trash." The book was ordered to be removed from the schools' approved-text list, so teachers could not use it in their lessons. A spokeswoman said it would remain available in school libraries. None of the five county commissioners read the book beyond the two pages the superintendent gave them for review. The novel was considered to be Nobel winner Morrison's best work.

Today’s Poor Prediction

2012-01-16T16:39:00.001-08:00

"It is not too much to expect that our children will enjoy in their homes electrical energy too cheap to meter."
- Lewis L. Strauss, chairman of the U.S. Atomic Energy Commission, 1954.

Rules of Internet Trolling

2012-01-16T15:25:00.000-08:00

Rule #1 of Internet trolling: Excessive use of F word makes you look hardcore.

Rule #2 of Internet trolling: Be anonymous. Clip art avatar recommended, something to suggest toughness.

Rule #3 of Internet trolling: Don't attempt if you have a girlfriend. Girls do not, as a rule of nature, find this "hot."

Rule #4 of Internet trolling: Bring extra Funyuns for sustenance while slogging long hours in your mom's basement.

Rule #5 of Internet trolling: After engaging target with f bombs/death threats/aggression, complain when you receive negative attn.

Rule #6 of Internet trolling: Misspell things and use bad grammar because you spent too much time crafting tuff image.

via @DLoesch and her wonderful Twitter feed.

Computer America Show for week of January 16, 2012

2012-01-16T10:58:00.000-08:00

Monday
-------
It’s Martin Luther King Day so there’s no live show. Please enjoy a
“Best of Computer America” and we’ll see you tomorrow!

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: Every third Tuesday of the month, we have an all
Linux show! Joining Craig and Ben once again is Larry Bushey, the
Creator and host of the “Going Linux Podcast.”

Wednesday
-------
First Segment: Sandy Berger. Sandy is a printer, digital camera and
consumer electronics expert. She’s just back from CES and is here to
update us on all of the exciting things she’s seen.

Hour two: We continue with your phone calls, emails, feedbacks,
Voicemails and the latest Computer News stories!

Thursday
--------
Hour one: The Neat Company. Hear all this amazing little scanner that
intelligently imports pages, receipts and business cards and can do them
all at the same time!

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
upgrades and other events of the day!

Friday
--------
Hour one: David Perry. He’s just back from CES and is here to tell us
more about everything he’s seen!

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
upgrades and other events of the day!

Genealogy

2012-01-16T10:31:00.001-08:00

Do you have a family? Probably. Do you have a family you admit to being part of? I hope so.

I've started taking a genealogy class, finding out more about my family and history. The teacher has us starting with ourselves. It's the person you know best. Then you can work back to other people in your family.

You might print these out and write down your answers, or put them in a word processing document. These are only for example, you should feel free to ask whatever questions you feel comfortable asking.

1) Compile your letters, pictures, tings from childhood
2) Siblings
3) Early memories of your childhood home, news of the time
4) Friends, pets, favorite TV shows, radio stations, music, books
5) Where did you live, describe the house and town
6) Did you get into trouble, what rules of the house were there
7) Vivid memories
8) Trips to relatives homes, what were they like
9) Did you have any chores, how much did you get paid, how did you spend the money
10) What holidays did you celebrate
11) What did you do on weekends
12) Any unusual events
13) Where did you go to school, friends, after school activities, favorite subjects, teachers, grades
14) School field trips
15) What hobbies did you enjoy
16) Favorite things in childhood, food, music, clothes, movies, people you looked up to
17) Did you go to church
18) Dreams for the future
19) Experiences with death
20) Any family or neighborhood gatherings

You can add to these questions as you see fit and be as detailed as you feel comfortable.

These were paraphrased from Life History: Beginning to End

Married Four Times

2012-01-13T14:24:00.001-08:00

The local news station was interviewing an

80-year-old lady because she had just gotten

married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her

life, about what it felt like to be marrying again

at 80, and then about her new husband's

occupation. "He's a funeral director," she

answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling

him a little about her first three husbands and

what they did for a living. She paused for a few

moments, needing time to reflect on all those

years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face

and she answered proudly, explaining that she had

first married a banker when she was in her early

20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's,

and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her

80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite

astonished, and asked why she had married four men

with such diverse careers.

(wait for it)

She smiled and explained, "I married one for

the money, two for the show, three to get ready,

and four to go."

A long winded reply to tragic event

2012-01-12T21:31:00.000-08:00

This is the reply I wanted to leave at a blog about a tragic accident. However, my talent to type lots has taken over and I thought it would be more appropriate here to leave a note of this length.

The original posting can be found here (http://blog.chron.com/goodmombadmom/2012/01/the-horrible-sounds-of-sirens/).

--

My mother was a fire fighter for 25 years. She retired on December 31, 2011. On the 27th, the station she worked at had a big party for her and the air ambulance gave her a little flight in their Bell 222. We had a great time.

About 15 years ago, we were out trying to get Christmas dinner for the two of us. It seemed that every time we tried to get to a store, there would be a call for her station. She was a paid call fire fighter at the time. The last call of the day found us on the freeway, heading the opposite way we had been trying to go hoping things would settle down.

She got a call for a vehicle accident, back the other way. I turned us around at the next exit and headed for the location of the crash. It was only a few miles from our house, as we live right next to a major freeway.

Because we were already moving, we got there just after the ambulance, but before the fire engine. Being a warm body, I was pressed into helping bring the gurney from the ambulance to where the car came to rest, about 200 feet from the road. The little Hyundai had landed on it's roof, with the driver, having been ejected, under the trunk of the car.

Mom had to go with the ambulance to the hospital. I had to drive the husband. I could already tell she had died. It was hard to not speed down the freeway and try to keep up with the ambulance. He prayed for his wife, begging God to save her. I kept quiet and drove.

She died on the way to a family dinner. They had driven over 250 miles and only had about 10 more to go when they got in an argument.

Christmas has gone from being my favorite time of year, decorating the house with my houses and lights to being a month I endure and hope will end quickly. Halloween is becoming my favorite time of year.

I think of that day often. I try my hardest to drive carefully, keeping my passengers and other drivers safe so we all get home at the end of the day. I don't use a cell phone while driving. I leave the radio on one of a few channels. I use my blinkers. I stop at signs for the full three seconds. I'm hardly a perfect driver, still a work in progress.

It's an event that will live with me forever.

Hug your family. Often. Think positive thoughts for both families. Think of the good her organs will do for other people. It's a tragic event all around. All my best to you and your family and the families involved.

Computer America, week of January 9, 2012

2012-01-10T09:35:00.001-08:00

Monday
-------
Hour one: GiveBackMail. Hear about a free email service that donates to
charity for every email you send! You can even keep your current email
address! Tune in this hour to hear all about this service that gives
back!

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
upgrades and other events of the day!

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: It's CES! The Consumer Electronic Show is all about,
well, Consumer Electronics! This is the place where new electronic
products and services are unveiled before they appear to the general
consumer. Everything from computers. tablets, digital cameras, TVs and
more are unveiled here. Anchoring from CES and Show Stoppers in Las
Vegas are David Perry and Sandy Berger. You'll hear live interviews and
report for both hours. This is exciting stuff and you won't want to miss it!

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: LearnToProgram.tv. Study after study and metric after metric
has shown that software developers, programmers and other computer
professionals will remain in high demand for the foreseeable future.
This fact coupled with the pervasive nation-wide unemployment problem
has led one local entrepreneur to offer a solution. Mark Lassoff founded
LearnToProgram.tv to provide affordable, consistent, high quality
training courses for people who want to learn computer programming, web
and mobile software design. Tune in to hear Mark talk to us about
learning computer programming and maybe see if this is right for you!

Hour two: We continue with your phone calls, emails, feedbacks and
voicemails!

Thursday
--------
Hour one: EzWebCalendar. It's the online calendar Computer America uses
to schedules its guests and show topics! Having a web-based calendar is
an ideal way to keep everyone's schedule in sync and keep them informed.
It could be perfect for you as well. Check it out!

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
upgrades and other events of the day!

Friday
--------
Hour one: Scheduled is Animoto, the award-winning leader in online video
editing. They just announced an all-new version of its free iPhone app
that makes it easy for consumers to create and share stunning,
professional-looking videos - complete with music and text- from their
own photos. Instead of just sharing a single photo with friends and
family, the Animoto Video Slideshows app instantly creates a personal
video that is easy to share via email, text, Facebook and Twitter or to
save on the iPhone's camera roll.

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
upgrades and other events of the day!

Computer America, week of January 2, 2012

2012-01-02T16:01:00.001-08:00

Lineup for the week: 2012 begins! Happy New Year!

Monday
-------
Hour one: LoJack for Laptops. Given how much and often priceless
information people generally keep on their laptops such as photos,
videos, work, bank/credit card information and more, it has never been
more important for people to protect their digital lives and personal
safety through theft recovery software. Absolute, with 18+ years of
experience and more than 20,000 recoveries, can provide practical
insight for consumers to ensure mobile devices, and the information on
them, are protected in case of theft or loss. Hear all about their
newest LoJack for Laptops on tonight's show!

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
upgrades and other events of the day!

Tuesday
-------
Hour one: Carbonite. The cloud is becoming more and more powerful in the
backup community, mainly due to a growing familiarity among consumers,
and is a much cheaper option than an external hard drive that is five
times the cost without all of the safety features. Tom Murray, Vice
President of Marketing at Carbonite, is here to further discuss the
trend of the cloud vs. external hard drives, and how external hard
drives are quickly becoming extinct, just like CDs/DVDs and USBs.

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
upgrades and other events of the day!

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: It's Wednesday Madness! You never know who may stop in! Plus
it's OPEN phone lines! We answer your questions on ANY computer and
technology topic. We read your emails and Feedbacks, play your voice
messages, it's anything goes! Joining Craig and Ben is our Computer
America correspondent Mike Cermak, the Owner-Operator of Techguy.org.

Hour two: We continue with your phone calls, emails, feedbacks and
voicemails!

Thursday
--------
Hour one: Scheduled is PCMag. Getting an ebook published takes more
than just talent, marketing savvy, and a manuscript. On PCMag.com,
Chandra Steele outlines the simplest and cheapest ways to get an ebook
on the digital shelves of the Kindle, Nook, iPad, Kobo, and more. Join
us and Chandra on how aspiring authors can transform their manuscripts
and dreams into a reality that will actually reach an audience.

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
upgrades and other events of the day!

Friday
--------
Hour one: Scheduled is Boston Acoustics. When it comes to speakers for
your home or your computer system, Boston Acoustics delivers! Tune in
to hear about what it is you should really be shopping for when it comes
to audio speakers!

Hour two: Craig and Ben discuss the Technology News, announcements,
upgrades and other events of the day!

The Twilight Zone, The Monster are Due on Maple Street

2012-01-01T17:45:00.001-08:00

The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices, to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill and suspicion can destroy, and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own - for the children, and the children yet unborn. And the pity of it is that these things cannot be confined to the Twilight Zone.

-- Rod Serling

Too Long For Twitter --

2011-12-30T13:09:00.001-08:00

1980 - The Selective Service System sent a warning to Mickey Mouse at Disneyland in Anaheim, California: Register for the draft or else! The Selective Service said that Mickey was in violation of registration compliance. Of course, Mickey, age 52 at the time, sent in his registration card proving that he’s a World War II veteran.

Finishing things you start

2011-12-20T14:08:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives.

I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.

Merry Christmas To All

Computer America, week of December 19, 2011

2011-12-20T14:05:00.000-08:00

Sorry this a day late....

Monday
-------
Hour one: Awareness Technologies! Brad Miller, CEO of Awareness
Technologies will offer additional thoughts on protecting children
online from cyberbullies using WebWatcher, as well how these types of
computer monitoring programs work and how parents are using them.

Hour two: Joining Craig and Ben is Woody Feffer. Woody owns and
operates Computer Mechanix, an on-site computer repair business. Woody
is here to lend his expertise on diagnosing computer problems and
answering your questions.

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: Every third Tuesday of the month, we have an all
Linux show! Joining Craig and Ben once again is Larry Bushey, the
Creator and host of the “Going Linux Podcast.”

Wednesday
-------
First Hour: Craig and Ben answer your computer questions and discuss the
latest Computer News.

Hour two: Dick DeBartolo, the GizWiz and Mad Magazine's maddest writer
joins us for the latest technology gadgets and wild stuff from the Internet!

Thursday
--------
Hour one and Hour two: Gregory Evans. Joining Craig and Ben with the
return of the world’s greatest computer security expert. Tonight he
joins us to talk about hacking in its many forms, and how you can
protect your computer from malware invasions.

Friday
--------
It’s our very last show of the year! Joining us will be Ed Johnson from
G Data to help us ring in the New Year! Also scheduled to appear is
Santa Claus! Actually a representative from NORAD will be joining us as
they track Santa’s sleigh ride across the North Pole as well as here in
the U.S. We may have some other surprise guests joining us on our
Holiday show so stay tuned! Happy holidays from all of us here at
Computer America!

Computer America, week of December 12, 2011

2011-12-12T16:29:00.000-08:00

Lineup for the week:

Monday
-------
Both hours: PC World now joins Computer America! Tune in to hear Steve
Fox, Editorial Director of PC World talk about the latest news stories
in the Computer and Technology world! Tonight, we continue our focus on
holiday technology gifts!

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: It’s our Gamer Tuesday show! Joining us is IGN.com.
Colin Campbell is the head of IGN’s News and Features and is our featured
correspondent. He will talk about the hottest games and products for the
holidays!

Wednesday
-------
First Segment: Sandy Berger. Sandy is a printer and digital camera
expert and writes for Hardware Secrets.

Hour two: We continue with your phone calls, emails, feedbacks,
Voicemails and the latest Computer News stories!

Thursday
--------
First hour and a half: Christopher Breen. The Senior Editor of Macworld
Magazine talks about all things Apple including IOS5, the iPhone 4S
and holiday news!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Friday
--------
Hour one: Linksys. For this holiday season, Linksys just completed an
industry survey of 1000 males and females on what gifts they were
expecting for the holidays. Overwhelmingly, 96 percent are expecting
some kind of wireless gear, but over half of those people had no clue if
they needed to upgrade their wireless network to make sure that new
device or devices would work well. Hear about all of their network
products including their newest top-of-the-line wireless router!

Hour two: Not scheduled as of press time.

Today’s Poor Prediction

2011-12-05T13:27:00.001-08:00

"We must also prepare ourselves for the very real possibility that the outcome of this situation might well be the total extinction of the entire human race. It really could be worse than I am predicting, and I really am being optimistic. First, I would like to assure you that I am not some kind of nut anxiously waiting for the end of the world..."
- Cory Hamasaki, DC Y2K Weather Report, November 1998.

Computer America, week of December 5, 2011

2011-12-05T11:04:00.001-08:00

Lineup for the week:

Monday
-------
First segment: Logitech. Did you know that Logitech offers a line of
security video cameras that use the Internet to monitor your home and
office? Tune in to hear about their line of Alert indoor and outdoor
security cameras as well as their security services that work with them!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Tuesday
-------
First segment: SRV Network. Karl Volkman, the Chief Technology Officer
of SRV Network is here to talk about the different tablets and the pros
and cons about all of them. Tune in as this may help clarify which
tablet is right for you!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Wednesday
-------
First Hour: Scorecerer 5.6 for iPad lets musicians quickly load sheet
music, effortlessly organize songs into set lists and seamlessly add
handwritten notations and highlights. It also handles PDF conversions
with ease and automatically turns pages instantly, so there’s no need to
miss a beat. Through the app’s sophisticated use of MIDI, moreover,
keyboard players can load songs and change pages directly from their
MIDI-compatible instrument. They can also change the sounds on their
keyboards or their digital audio workstation software.

Last half hour: Mike Cermak, owner-operator of Techguy.org joins Craig
and Ben to discuss the news events of the day!

Thursday
--------
First Hour: St. Clair Software. Jon Gotow joins us to talk about the
latest iteration of Default Folder. This amazing utility should be on
every Macintosh out there!

Second hour: Brookstone! Craig and Ben welcome back Brookstone to talk
about their latest offerings for the holidays! Craig has long been a
huge fan of this store that appears in shopping malls throughout the
nation!

Friday
--------
Hours one and two: David Perry. David is the Global Director of
Education for Trend Micro. David joins us to talk about the latest
cyber malware and how you can protect yourself from it.
------------------------------

----------------------------------------

See you next week!

Computer America, week of Nov 28, 2011

2011-11-28T08:24:00.001-08:00

Lineup for the week:

Monday
-------
Both hours: PC World now joins Computer America! Tune in to hear Steve
Fox, Editorial Director of PC World talk about the latest news stories in
the Computer and Technology world! Tonight, we focus on holiday technology
gifts!

Tuesday
-------
First segment: Scheduled is the Publisher of Tidbits. Adam Engst joins
us for the latest holiday stories and news regarding Apple and the Macintosh!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Wednesday
-------
First Hour: Craig and Ben answer your computer questions and discuss the
latest Computer News.

Hour two: Dick DeBartolo, the GizWiz and Mad Magazine's maddest writer
joins us for the latest technology gadgets and wild stuff from the Internet!

Thursday
--------
Hour one and Hour two: Author Steve Stockman. His book "How To Shoot
Video That Doesn't Suck" tells you how to shoot really great video.
Tune if for some of his best tips and tricks for the holidays! PLUS Steve is
giving away a Kodak digital video camera to some lucky person tonight! It
could be YOU!

Friday
--------
Hours one and two: Ralph Bond joins Craig and Ben with computer news
and special topics. For many years, Ralph was Intel’s Consumer
Education Director and he continues to be the voice of Intel for
Computer America’s Intel Digital Minute. Ralph is now with Autodesk and
he is an official Computer America correspondent. Every first Friday
of the month, Ralph joins Craig and Ben to talk about the special Technology
News stories he selects.

------------------------------

----------------------------------------

See you next week!

Ladies on a Road Trip

2011-11-23T10:03:00.000-08:00

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a
Massachusetts state trooper sees a car puttering along at 24 mph. He
thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he
turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies -
two in the front seat, and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as
ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't
understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the
problem?"

The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "24"
was the Route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for
pointing out her error.

"But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, "is everyone in this car OK?
These women seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 128."

Red Cross Christmas Cards

2011-11-14T12:35:00.000-08:00

Want to send a Christmas card to military personnel? Here's the site for the Red Cross and their 2011 Holiday Mail for Heroes program. They have instructions for sending the cards and what can (and cannot) be included.

"Send cards to the address below:

Holiday Mail For Heroes
P.O. Box 5456
Capitol Heights, MD 20791-5456

All cards must be postmarked no later than Friday, December 9th. Cards postmarked after this date will unfortunately be returned to the sender. This deadline ensures enough time to sort and distribute cards before the holidays.

After the mailbox closes, the cards we received will be screened for hazardous materials by Pitney Bowes and then reviewed by Red Cross volunteers working around the country."

(from the Red Cross site)

Check the bottom of the page for how to contact the Red Cross via email, Twitter and Facebook.

Computer America -- week of 11-14-2011

2011-11-14T09:07:00.001-08:00

Monday
-------
First and Second Hours: David Perry! Our good friend David Perry,
Consumer Education Manager with Trend Micro joins us to talk about
Holiday gadgets that will need protection from malware!

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: Every third Tuesday of the month, we have an all
Linux show! Joining Craig and Ben once again is Larry Bushey, the
Creator and host of the “Going Linux Podcast.”

Wednesday
-------
Hour one and Hour two: Author Steve Stockman. His book "How To Shoot
Video That Doesn't Suck" tells you how to shoot really great video.
Tune if for some of his best tips and tricks for the holidays!

Thursday
--------
Hour one and Hour two: Gregory Evans. Joining Craig and Ben with the
return of the world’s greatest computer security expert. Tonight he
joins us to talk about hacking in its many forms, and how you can
protect your computer from malware invasions.

Friday
--------
Hours one and two: Ralph Bond joins Craig and Ben with computer news
and special topics. For many years, Ralph was Intel’s Consumer
Education Director and he continues to be the voice of Intel for
Computer America’s Intel Digital Minute. Ralph is now with Autodesk and
he is an official Computer America correspondent. Every second Friday
of the month, Ralph joins Craig and Ben to talk about the special Technology
News stories he selects. However this last Friday was Veteran’s Day so Ralph
appears with us tonight!

Poor Predictions

2011-11-08T13:23:00.000-08:00

"I believe that the motion picture is destined to revolutionize our educational system and that in a few years it will supplant largely, if not entirely, the use of textbooks."
- Thomas Edison, 1922.

Computer America -- week of 11-07-2011

2011-11-07T13:27:00.000-08:00

Monday
-------
First hour and a half: Mobestream Media. Hear about their Key Ring app
that lets you store all of your loyalty cards on your smart phone! They
keep on improving the app so hear about all of the newest features.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: It’s our Gamer Tuesday show! Joining us is IGN.com.
Daemon Hatfield is the Senior Editor of IGN.com and our featured
correspondent. He will talk about the hottest games and products!

Wednesday
-------
First Segment: Sandy Berger. Sandy is a printer and digital camera
expert and writes for Hardware Secrets.

Hour two: We continue with your phone calls, emails, feedbacks,
Voicemails and the latest Computer News stories!

Thursday
--------
First hour and a half: Nero. Hear about their latest Nero 11! The new
Nero MediaBrowser, one of the biggest changes, gives quick access to all
multimedia content. Users can intuitively organize media into
collections and projects to work with them as they want. Contextual text
tagging allows quick searching using keywords that make sense to each
user. The browser also supports automatic face recognition in photos and
videos. And there’s so much more like Nero Video 11, Nero Photo, Nero
Recode 11, Nero Kwik MoveIt, Nero Kwik WiFi Sync app and Nero BackItUp
11!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Friday
--------
It’s Veteran’s Day so there’s no live show/ Please enjoy a “Best of Computer
America” Show.

Computer America -- week of 10-31-2011

2011-10-31T08:30:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
It’s Halloween and there’s no live show! Ben and Craig are out Trick or
Treating so enjoy a “Best of Computer America!”

Tuesday
-------
First hour and a half: Eye-Fi! Hear the latest from this company that
makes memory cards for your digital camera that have Wi-Fi built in!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Wednesday
-------
First Hour: Nitro PDF. Hear about this company’s latest version of this
application that is a viable alternative to Adobe’s Acrobat!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Thursday
--------
First hour and a half: TuneUp Utilities. Is your PC becoming bogged
down? Hear how this product can make your computer run faster and
smoother!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Friday
--------
Both hours: PC World now joins Computer America on the last Friday of
every month, however due to Halloween, Steve is appearing tonight! Tune
in to hear Steve Fox, Editorial Director of PCWorld talk about the
latest news stories in the Computer and Technology world!

Computer America Show Reminder 10-24-2011

2011-10-24T15:53:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
Hours one and two: Joining Craig and Ben is Woody Feffer. Woody owns and
operates Computer Mechanix, an on-site computer repair business. Woody
is here to lend his expertise on diagnosing computer problems and
answering your questions.

Tuesday
-------
First hour and a half: Christopher Breen. The Senior Editor of Macworld
Magazine talks about all things Apple including IOS5 and the iPhone 4S!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Wednesday
-------
First Hour: Craig and Ben answer your computer questions and discuss the
latest Computer News.

Hour two: Dick DeBartolo, the GizWiz and Mad Magazine's maddest writer
joins us for the latest technology gadgets and wild stuff from the Internet!

Thursday
--------
Hours one and two: David Perry from Trend Micro joins Craig and Ben to
talk about the latest Internet scams and computer malware.

Friday
--------
First hour and a half: magicJack PLUS! Hear about this revolutionary,
next-generation product from magicJack. Now you no longer need a
computer to make the magicJack work. Just plug it into your Internet
router and you’re all set to make free, long distance phone calls to
most any phone, anywhere!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer:

2011-10-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding

on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan , KS .

I asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance.

The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.

In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age)

to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if

she had a weapon in her possession at this time.

She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.

Something---body language, or the way she said it---made me want

to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having

a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more

time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have

just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what

was she so afraid of.

She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a damn thing!"

Seniors - Don't mess with them. They didn't get old by being stupid.

We Are the Chosen

2011-10-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

by Della M. Cumming, 1943; edited by Melody Hull

We are the chosen. In each family there is one who seems called to find the ancestors, to put flesh on their bones and make them live again, to tell the family story and to feel that somehow they know and approve. Doing genealogy is not a cold gathering of facts but, instead, breathing life into all who have gone before. We are the storytellers of the tribe. All tribes have one. We have been called, as it were, by our genes. Those who have gone before cry out to us, "Tell our story!" So, we do. In finding them, we somehow find ourselves. How many graves have I stood before...? I have lost count. How many times have I told the ancestors, "You have a wonderful family; you would be proud of us." How many times have I walked up to a grave and felt somehow there was love there for me? I cannot say.

It goes beyond just documenting facts. It goes to who I am and why I do the things I do. It goes to seeing a cemetery about to be lost forever to weeds and indifference and saying, "I can't let this happen." The bones here are bones of my bone and flesh of my flesh. It goes to doing something about it.

It goes to pride in what our ancestors were able to accomplish, how they contributed to what we are today. It goes to respecting their hardships and losses, their never giving in or giving up, their resoluteness to go on and build a life for their family. It goes to a deep pride that the fathers fought and some died to make and keep us a nation. It is of equal pride and love that our mothers struggled to give us birth. It goes to deep and immense understanding that they all were doing it for us, that we might be born who we are, that we might remember them, and so we do. Without any of them, we could not exist, and so we love each one as far back as we can reach. With love and caring and scribing each fact of their existence, we are they and they are the sum of who we are. That is what calls those young and old to step up and restore the memory--or greet those whom we have never known before.

So, as a scribe called, I tell the story of my family. It is up to that one called in the next generation to answer the call and take my place in the long line of family storytellers.

-----

Looks like I've become the one that's going to carry on the family research. It's been interesting so far. Stuff I knew, and new stories to find out and archive for future generations.

Computer America Show Reminder 10-17-2011

2011-10-17T07:56:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
First Segment: Author Timothy Doyle. Tim Doyle, Sr. Manager of
Communications for the CEA will discuss new innovations in technology
that are making it easier to live greener.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: Every third Tuesday of the month, we have an all
Linux show! Joining Craig and Ben once again is Larry Bushey, the
Creator and host of the “Going Linux Podcast.”

Wednesday
-------
Not scheduled as of press time.

Thursday
--------
Hour one and Hour two: Gregory Evans. Joining Craig and Ben with the
return of the world’s greatest computer security expert. Tonight he
joins us to talk about hacking in its many forms, and how you can
protect your computer from malware invasions.

Friday
--------
Hour one and two: Apple Aficionado Gene Steinberg joins Craig and Ben to
talk all things Apple. Topics include the new iPhone 4S, iOS5 and more!
------------------------------

----------------------------------------

-Bette Davis

2011-10-14T18:22:00.001-07:00

“I was thought to be ‘stuck up.’ I wasn’t. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure.”

Computer America Show Reminder 10-10-11

2011-10-11T20:34:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
It’s Columbus Day and there’s no live show. Enjoy a “Best of Computer
America” performance. G Data is the featured guest.

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: It’s our Gamer Tuesday show! Joining us is IGN.com.
Daemon Hatfield is the Senior Editor of IGN.com and our featured
correspondent. He will talk about the hottest games and products!

Wednesday
-------
First Segment: Sandy Berger. Sandy is a printer and digital camera
expert and writes for Hardware Secrets.

Hour two: We continue with your phone calls, emails, feedbacks and
voicemails!

Thursday
--------
First segment: Storage Guardian. Complementing offsite vaulting
with a local backup means, small and medium-size businesses can restore
critical data at LAN speeds, eliminate tape backup, and benefit from a
cost-effective strategy for offsite data backup and migration. New,
local-only disk backup service offers all the features of its enterprise
backup technology, including agentless operation for easy deployment and
intelligent, secure data compression, and adds the additional benefits
of reducing WAN bandwidth needs and fast restore of mission-critical
data at LAN speeds, whenever needed

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Friday
--------
Hours one and two: Ralph Bond joins Craig and Ben with computer news
and special topics. For many years, Ralph was Intel’s Consumer
Education Director and he continues to be the voice of Intel for
Computer America’s Intel Digital Minute. Ralph is now with Autodesk and
he is an official Computer America correspondent. Every second Friday
of the month, Ralph joins Craig and Ben to talk about the special Technology
News stories he selects.
------------------------------

----------------------------------------

Computer America Show Reminder 10-03-11

2011-10-03T14:21:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
First segment: Nuance Communications. A leading provider of speech and
imaging solutions, Nuance today introduced PaperPort Professional 14,
the newest release of the world’s most popular scanning and document
management application for Microsoft Windows.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Tuesday
-------
First segment: AOC Monitors. AOC, the worldwide leader in HD television
and monitor display technology, announces two new sleek and portable
monitors that receive both power and signal via a single USB cable for
hassle-free connection. Convenient built-in USB ports make the monitors
a perfect larger-screen companion for laptops and netbooks, while low
power consumption makes them ideal for dual- and multi-monitor setups.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: It's Wednesday Madness! You never know who may stop in! Plus
it's OPEN phone lines! We answer your questions on ANY computer and
technology topic. We read your emails and Feedbacks, play your voice
messages, it's anything goes! Joining Craig and Ben is our Computer
America correspondent Mike Cermak, the Owner-Operator of Techguy.org.

Hour two: We continue with your phone calls, emails, feedbacks and
voicemails!

Thursday
--------
First segment: Cloudmark is a global security leader protecting more
than 1.6 billion mobile, email and social networking subscribers
worldwide. They released their 2011 Mobile Spam Guide in late June. As
you may know, SMS spam is a major problem in other countries, and it may
soon spread to the U.S. Hear what this company is doing to help
consumers like you to protect your email privacy!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Friday
--------
First segment: my-Ditto is the perfect gift for the entire family. Keep
safe all of your documents, photos, and files in one secure location,
then have access from anywhere in the world to your own personal Cloud.
The my-Ditto is an easy-to-set-up, easy-to-use, and easy-on-the-wallet
gift that the entire family will love.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Computer America Show Reminder 09-26-11

2011-09-26T13:02:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
Hours one and two: Joining Craig and Ben is Woody Feffer. Woody owns and
operates Computer Mechanix, an on-site computer repair business. Woody
is here to lend his expertise on diagnosing computer problems and
answering your questions.

Tuesday
-------
First segment: Gabriel Torres, Editor of Hardware Secrets joins us for
both hours!

Second segment: Sandy Berger. Sandy is a printer and digital camera
expert and writes for Hardware Secrets.

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: Vonage. One of the leading providers of VoIP services, Vonage
is here tonight to talk about the future of VoIP and telecommunications.

Hour two: Dick DeBartolo, the GizWiz and Mad Magazine's maddest writer
joins us for the latest technology gadgets and wild stuff from the Internet!

Thursday
--------
Hour one: Nuvel. vSOS is an emergency response smart phone app that
provides you 24 hours 7 days a week emergency response in North America,
South America, and Europe, through a dedicated International Emergency
Response Coordination Center whenever and wherever you need it. vSOS
handles every emergency including medical, personal safety, accidents,
etc. Simply hold the vSOS button for 3 seconds and it automatically
contacts the Emergency Response Center and sends text messages, or
emails, to the 5 contacts you’ve identified in your profile. Also we’ll
talk about Jay Elliot’s new book, “The Steve Jobs Way.”

Hour two: Roku! Move over Netflix, AppleTV and Google TV! Roku 2 is
here! Stop dreaming and start streaming the shows YOU want to see!

Friday
--------
Both hours: PC World now joins Computer America on the last Friday of
every month! Tune in to hear Steve Fox, Editorial Director of PCWorld
talk about the latest news stories in the Computer and Technology world!

------------------------------

----------------------------------------

Computer America Show Reminder 09-19-11

2011-09-19T08:01:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
First hour and a half: Christopher Breen. The Senior Editor of Macworld
Magazine talks about all things Apple including IOS5 and the iPhone 5!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: Every third Tuesday of the month, we have an all
Linux show! Joining Craig and Ben once again is Larry Bushey, the
Creator and host of the “Going Linux Podcast.”

Wednesday
-------
First segment: iTwin upgrade enables users to securely access, edit and
share all their files and media between any two computers be it Mac or
PC anywhere in the world, simply and safely, without the security risks
of the cloud!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Thursday
--------
First hour and a half: G Data. Hear all about their brand new Total
Security 2012 which received a 99.6 percent detection rate by
AV-Comparatives. In addition to their dual-scanning engine, the product
keeps consumers protected with features like fingerprinting, silent
firewall and low system load.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Friday
--------
First segment: Lenovo. Lenovo is one of the world’s largest makers of
personal computers and makes the world's most innovative PCs, including
the renowned ThinkPad notebook as well as products carrying the
ThinkCentre, ThinkStation, ThinkServer, IdeaCentre and IdeaPad
sub-brands. Today, Lenovo is a global corporation with significant
operations on six continents and operating in more than 60 countries and
selling products in 160. Tune in to hear about Lenovo’s latest
computers!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Hop Scotch Drops

2011-09-18T13:42:00.000-07:00

Yummie and easy!

2 cups butterscotch bits
1/2 cup of peanut butter

Melt butterscotch bits and peanut butter together.

1/2 bag of chow mein noodles, the crunchy ones (3 or 4 cups, enough to be coated by the butterscoth and peanut butter)
2 cups of small marshmellows
1/2 cup of peanuts

I'm not a big fan of marshmellows, so I might use M&M's or something.

Mix it all together and scoop one heaping teaspoon on wax paper or silicon sheet to cool.

Yummie, crunchy, salty, sweet mix.

I suppose you could do this with chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, or other chocolate that can be melted with peanut butter.

Computer America Show Reminder 09-12-11

2011-09-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

Monday
-------
Hours one and two: David Perry from Trend Micro joins Craig and Ben to
talk about the latest 911 based scams as well as other malware.

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: Our Gamer Tuesdays are back! Joining us is IGN.com.
Daemon Hatfield is the Senior Editor of IGN.com and our newest
correspondent. He will talk about the hottest games and products!

Wednesday
-------
First segment: Newline Software. It’s all about making backups.. It’s
not IF your hard drive will fail, it’s WHEN. And making backups in the
cloud is becoming far more popular. Newline is here to talk about their
cloud backup services and why it’s a lot different that the other
services out there!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Thursday
--------
Hour one and Hour two: Gregory Evans. Joining Craig and Ben with the
return of the world’s greatest computer security expert. Tonight he
joins us to talk about hacking in its many forms, and how you can
protect your computer from malware invasions.

Friday
--------
First segment: Addon Interactive is scheduled to appear. They will talk
about their brand new release of their Chat Room software, Version 9.0!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

A Wish To Live Forever

2011-09-09T15:48:00.001-07:00

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!"

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

Computer America Show Reminder 09-05-11

2011-09-05T12:48:00.001-07:00

Lineup for the week:

Monday
-------
It’s Labor Day weekend so there’s no live show! Please enjoy a “Best of
Computer America” show tonight. Scheduled is a rebroadcast of the
August 4th show with G Data! Hear all about their new TotalSecurity
2012 that represents the next generation of computer protection
technology. It has TWO Anti-Virus engines, offers HOURLY updates and
scans only when your computer is idle making it unique in how it
protects your computer from bad things. Plus hear about their special
offer that gives you 50% off of any of their products! Don’t miss it!
See you LIVE tomorrow night!

Tuesday
-------
First hour and a half: Epson. As one of the leading manufacturers of
computer printers, Epson joins us to unveil their latest multifunction
printer, the brand new Artisan 837! This amazing product color prints
on both sides of the page (duplexes), copies, sends faxes, scans and
does it all with no physical connection. Using Wi-Fi, you can
communicate with the Artisan from any computer in your home or office.
The Artisan 837 is the newest model in Epson’s Artisan line.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: It's Wednesday Madness! You never know who may stop in! Plus
it's OPEN phone lines! We answer your questions on ANY computer and
technology topic. We read your emails and Feedbacks, play your voice
messages, it's anything goes! Joining Craig and Ben is our Computer
America correspondent Mike Cermak, the Owner-Operator of Techguy.org.

Hour two: We continue with your phone calls, emails, feedbacks and
voicemails!

Thursday
--------
First hour and a half: MapMyFITNESS. This is an app that uses GPS
technology to map your runs, bike rides and hikes. MapMyFITNESS just
announced a partnership with the San Francsico Marathon and the NYC
Marathon. These apps are the first to use both GPS and RFID technology
to make running mobile and social! Tune us in and don’t forget to bring
your running shoes!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Friday
--------
Hours one and two: Ralph Bond joins Craig and Ben with computer news
and special topics. For many years, Ralph was Intel’s Consumer
Education Director and he continues to be the voice of Intel for
Computer America’s Intel Digital Minute. Ralph is now with Autodesk and
he is an official Computer America correspondent. Every second Friday
of the month, Ralph joins Craig and Ben to talk about the special Technology
News stories he selects.

Science Fiction Quote

2011-09-03T19:59:00.001-07:00

'It is better to read first-rate science fiction than second-rate science; it's no more likely to be wrong and is far more stimulating than the second-rate science. And I think it's good to read the great classics of science fiction.'

- Martin Rees, Astronomer Royal

A (short) Timeline of Chocolate

2011-09-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

1824: John Cadbury, an English Quaker, begins roasting and grinding chocolate beans to sell in his tea and coffee shop.

In 1842 Cadbury's Chocolate Company in England creates the first chocolate bar.

1875: A Swiss chocolate maker, Daniel Peter, mixes Henri Nestle's condensed milk with chocolate and the two men found a company to manufacture the first milk chocolate.

1894: Milton Hershey adds a line of chocolate to his caramel manufacturing business. Soon he invents the Hershey Bar by experimenting with milk chocolate. Hershey's Cocoa appears next.

1896: Leonard Hershfield invents the Tootsie Roll, named after his daughter.

1897: Brownies are first mentioned in print, listed for sale in the Sears, Roebuck and Co. catalogue.

About 1900: A machine called the enrober is invented to replace the task of hand-dipping chocolate.

1930: Franklin Mars invents the Snickers Bar.

1939: Nestle introduces semisweet chocolate morsels.

1940: The Mars company invents M&M's for soldiers going to World War II.

Computer America Show Reminder 08-29-11

2011-08-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

Lineup for the week:

Monday
-------
Hour one and two: Apple Aficionado Gene Steinberg joins Craig and Ben to
talk all things Apple. Topics include Steve Jobs resignation, Lion and
more!

Tuesday
-------
First hour and a half: Vonage. This company is one of the leaders in VoIP
technology! Hear about their latest developments in using the Internet to
communicate.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: It's Wednesday Madness! You never know who may stop in! Plus
it's OPEN phone lines! We answer your questions on ANY computer and
technology topic. We read your emails and Feedbacks, play your voice
messages, it's anything goes!

Hour two: Dick DeBartolo, the GizWiz and Mad Magazine's maddest writer
joins us for the latest technology gadgets and wild stuff from the Internet!

Thursday
--------
First hour and a half: FindMyPetNow. It’s the first ever free web-based
national registry for dog owners and they have just announced the
official launch of its lost and found Service, a real-time alert Service
for dog owners and their search parties who are looking for, or
reuniting a lost dog. Free registration is now open. FindMyPetNow is
asking all dog owners to register and help spread the word so that all
communities benefit.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Friday
--------
Hour one: Not Scheduled as of Press time.

Hour two: Not Scheduled as of Press time.

Taxes, by Unknown

2011-08-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid...

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Computer America Line-up for 8/22/2011

2011-08-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

Monday
-------
Hours one and two: Joining Craig and Ben is Woody Feffer. Woody owns and
operates Computer Mechanix, an on-site computer repair business. Woody
is here to lend his expertise on diagnosing computer problems and
answering your questions. We will be focusing on networking and how to
set up a computer network in your home and office!

Tuesday
-------
Hour one: Yamaha. Amplifying the true sound of an acoustic guitar
without top-notch microphones has always presented sonic challenges.
Pickups that come installed on guitars are convenient to use but they
only transmit the strumming of the strings, not the resonance of the
body or the ambient sounds created by string vibrations. And, in a live
setting, amplified acoustic guitars are prone to causing ear-splitting
feedback. Audio engineers at Yamaha think they've conquered the problem
with a proprietary new computer-aided modeling innovation called Studio
Response Technology (S.R.T.), available in its new A Series acoustic
guitars, now shipping. The pickup and preamp built into the A Series
incorporates advanced Digital Signal Processing to provide mic-ed up
sound quality with the help of advanced audio technology.

Hour two: Not Scheduled as of Press time.

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: Stem. TimeCommand puts you in charge of your sleep/wake
environment with this evolutionary alarm clock music system for iPod,
iPhone, and iPad. Charge and play your Apple devices - even connect and
control your bedside lamp. Expand your mastery of TimeCommand with the
free Stem:Connect App from iTunes. And immerse yourself in sound with
Tandem high-performance speakers - the perfect match for your Apple
computer. Experience Stem:Sonic iQ audio enhancement technology with
these USB digital speakers, featuring a custom configured DSP-enhanced
amplifier, performance-tuned, bass-reflex ports and an optimized
headphone audio output profile.

Hour two: Plustek. Hear about their newest OpticBook 3800, a cost
effective, simple, innovative solution for scanning books, magazines and
bound materials. This scanner is ideal for comic book collectors, rare
book collectors and sellers, eBay book sellers, education personnel, and
college students. Using Plustek's patent-pending Shadow Elimination
Element Technology, the OpticBook 3800 can scan any book without the
book spine shadow and distorted text associated with book scanning on
flatbed scanners. The OpticBook 3800 includes everything needed to
create searchable PDFs from books, magazines and bound materials. The
book scanning and creation software is easy to use and is an affordable
solution for all home users, libraries, copy rooms, students, teachers,
universities, and anyone that wants to turn books, magazines and other
bound material into digital files.

Thursday
--------
First hour and a half: Genius. This Taiwan-based company is introducing a line
of computer consumer products in the U.S. Hear about their Ring Mouse
and Pen Mouse that work in mid-air! They have a line of computer
keyboards, mice and speakers. Tune in to hear all about their American
debut!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Friday
--------
Hours one and two: PCMag.com’s Editorial Director Steve Fox joins Craig
and Ben to talk about the latest computer news and stories!.

Computer America Line-up for 8/15/2011

2011-08-15T08:39:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
First hour and a half: Not scheduled as of press time!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Tuesday
-------
Hours one and two: Every third Tuesday of the month, we have an all
Linux show! Joining Craig and Ben once again is Larry Bushey, the
Creator and host of the “Going Linux Podcast.”

Wednesday
-------
Hours one and two: We continue our newest segment: Freebie Night with Gizmo!
Tune in as we talk about the newest, hottest and most useful FREE software
products to hit the planet!

Thursday
--------
Hour one and Hour two: Gregory Evans. Joining Craig and Ben with the
return of the world’s greatest computer security expert. Tonight he
joins us to talk about hacking in its many forms, and how you can
protect your computer from malware invasions.

Friday
--------
Hour one and two: David Perry from Trend micro talks about the latest
malware threats, Anonymous threatening to take down Facebook, and hacker
groups in general..

32 Anniversary of the Spanish Ranch Tragedy August 15

2011-08-15T08:36:00.001-07:00

On August 15, 1979, a wildland fire began near the Spanish Ranch east of Nipomo in San Luis Obispo County. CDF Engine 5373 from Nipomo Fire Station was dispatched to this fast moving brush fire with Captain Edwin M. Marty, Firefighter Steve R. Manley, Firefighter Ronald T. Lorant, and Firefighter Scott W. Cox on board. Upon arrival at the scene of the fire, they accepted orders to attack the fire using firing tools and hand tools in support of firefighting bulldozers. The four men made an arduous climb under hot conditions up a steep mountain to perform their mission, control the fire.

While the men performed their mission a sudden wind shift occurred and the fire made an unexpected violent run toward their position. Even as this fire threatened their position and lives, Captain Edwin M. Marty, Firefighter Steve R. Manley, Firefighter Ronald T. Lorant, and Firefighter Scott W. Cox courageously attempted a firing operation to hold the line.

Despite their attempt at holding the line and protecting themselves from the oncoming flame front, Captain Edwin M. Marty, Firefighter Steve R. Manley, and Firefighter Ronald T. Lorant perished on that mountain. Fellow Firefighter Scott W. Cox was severely burned and died as a result of those burns on February 3, 1980.

The heroic conduct of these individuals reminds us of the courage and dedication necessary to perform the duties of a firefighter out on the firelines.

As long as fires burn on the mountains and valleys of San Luis Obispo County the citizens and firefighters of this County will remember the sacrifice Captain Edwin M. Marty, Firefighter Steve R. Manley, Firefighter Ronald T. Lorant, and Firefighter Scott W. Cox made.

computer america week of 8/8/2011

2011-08-08T15:00:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
First hour and a half: Christopher Breen. The Senior Editor of Macworld
Magazine talks about all things Apple including Lion!

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Tuesday
-------

Hours one and two: Our Gamer Tuesdays are back! Joining us is IGN.com.
Daemon Hatfield is the Senior Editor of IGN.com and our newest
correspondent. He will talk about the hottest games and products!

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: It's Wednesday Madness! You never know who may stop in! Plus
it's OPEN phone lines! We answer your questions on ANY computer and
technology topic. We read your emails and Feedbacks, play your voice
messages, it's anything goes! Gabriel Torres, Editor of Hardware Secrets
joins us for both hours!

Hour two: Wednesday Madness continues with more of your emails,
late-breaking computer news and more!

Thursday
--------
Hour one: ChinaTel, a US-based operator of global wireless broadband and
telecommunications networks, has form a joint venture to manufacture,
distribute and sell hydrogen fuel cell systems. Hear how this new
technology will effect you as it makes its way into the US marketplace.

Hour two: Google. Craig and Ben talk to a Google research scientist who
works on Google Translate. He can explain how Google uses machine
learning or artificial intelligence to learn to translate language
automatically from one language to another.

Friday
--------
Hour one and two: Ralph Bond joins Craig and Ben with computer news
and special subjects!

Computer America Show -- week of 8/1/2011

2011-08-01T10:13:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
First hour and a half: Dokmee. Hear about Dokmee 3.0 that provides
offices, both large and small, with a centralized location for workers
to store and manage all of their business files in an electronically
accessible environment. End users can enjoy the convenience and security
of accessing all of their documents, and even key email communications,
without having to sort through a mess of file cabinets or hunt through a
ton of unorganized files on their desktop.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Tuesday
-------

First hour and a half: Bathsheba. She is an artist exploring the region
between art and mathematics. Her work is about life in three dimensions:
working with symmetry and balance, getting from the origin to infinity,
and always finding beauty in geometry. She says that she likes to think
about shapes, and occasionally she will think of a new one, and usually they
come out very symmetrical. Tune in to hear how she uses 3D printing to
create some very unique sculptures.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: It's Wednesday Madness! You never know who may stop in! Plus
it's OPEN phone lines! We answer your questions on ANY computer and
technology topic. We read your emails and Feedbacks, play your voice
messages, it's anything goes! Joining Craig and Ben is Mike Cermak from
Techguy.org.

Hour two: We continue with your phone calls, emails, feedbacks and
voicemails!

Thursday
--------
First hour and a half: G Data. Hear all about their brand new Total
Security 2012 which received a 99.6 percent detection rate by
AV-Comparatives. In addition to their dual-scanning engine, the product
keeps consumers protected with features like fingerprinting, silent
firewall and low system load.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Friday
--------
First hour and a half: Insider Software. It’s all about fonts!
FontAgent Pro provides full control over the auto-activation process. It
detects subtle differences among fonts to deliver the most accurate font
activation possible. When no installed fonts match one required by a
document, it provides a list of alternate available fonts with a
relevancy ranking that shows how closely they match the font requested
by the document so designers can choose the best font. FontAgent Pro
also permits automatic activation of a preferred font format (e.g., Type
1, OpenType, TrueType) so no user intervention is required.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

IF BUD AND LOU WERE HERE TODAY

2011-07-27T12:20:00.001-07:00

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello , and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For
those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO : Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT : Mac?

COSTELLO : No, the name's Lou .

ABBOTT : Your computer?

COSTELLO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT : Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou .

ABBOTT : What about Windows?

COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO : I don't know. What will I see when I look at the
windows?

ABBOTT : Wallpaper.

COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT : Software for Windows?

COSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT : Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT : I just did.

COSTELLO : You just did what?

ABBOTT : Recommend something.

COSTELLO : You recommended something ?

ABBOTT : Yes.

COSTELLO : For my office?

ABBOTT : Yes.

COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT : Office.

COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT : Word.

COSTELLO : What word?

ABBOTT : Word in Office.

COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO : I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO : That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT : Money.

COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT : It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO : What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT : Money.

COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT : One copy.

COSTELLO : Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT : Click on 'START'.............

Catholic Shampoo

2011-07-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER, ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER, " WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"

THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED, "INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."

"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM" THE OTHER NUN REPLIED, AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.

THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER. "WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR" THE NUN SAID, "BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO.

WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER. PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER.

HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID: "THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE."

Computer America Show -- week of 7/25/2011

2011-07-25T09:51:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
Hour one: Author Chris Hadnagy aka loganWHD, has been involved with
computers and technology for over 13 years. Presently his focus is on
the “human” aspect of technology such as social engineering and physical
security. Chris has spent time in providing training in many topics and
also has had many articles published in local, national and
international magazines and journals. He presently is the operations
manager of Offensive Security and the lead developer of
Social-Engineer.Org. He is the author of the book, Social Engineering:
The Art of Human Hacking.

Hour two: Cisco just announced a new wireless-N dual-band entertainment
bridge aimed at bringing consumers the ultimate home theater and gaming
experience. The new bridge allows consumers to connect any home
entertainment device very quickly to their wireless network for rock
solid performance in streaming 3D/HD video and music, connecting and
playing games online through a gaming console, and much more.

Tuesday
-------

First hour and a half: CarCheckup. The mission of CarCheckup is to
empower consumers to take full advantage of the information available
from their automobiles by helping them understand their vehicle’s
information system.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: Matt Rodela is an independent computer consultant. My goal is
to help people start and grow a successful Computer Repair Business by
sharing what he has learn along the way.

Hour two: Dick DeBartolo, the GizWiz and Mad Magazine's maddest writer
joins us for the latest technology gadgets and wild stuff from the Internet!

Thursday
--------
Hour one and Hour two: Author Steve Stockman. His book "How To Shoot
Video That Doesn't Suck" tells you how to shoot really great video.
Tune if for some of his best tips and tricks!

Friday
--------
First hour and a half: G Data. Hear all about their brand new Total
Security 2012 which received a 99.6 percent detection rate by
AV-Comparatives. In addition to their dual-scanning engine, the product
keeps consumers protected with features like fingerprinting, silent
firewall and low system load.

Last half hour: Craig and Ben discuss the news events of the day!

Just One Wish...

2011-07-23T12:26:00.001-07:00

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die right after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!"

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

Computer America for week of 7/18

2011-07-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

Monday
-------
Hour one: Avatron Software. This productivity app turn your iPad, iPhone
or MacBook into an extra wireless monitor. It is one of the top-grossing
third-party apps on iTunes and adds up to 70 percent more screen space
for your use. The latest version of the app even offers a video-out
capability, so you can plug-in and use Air Display with a TV or
projector.

Hour two: Sculpteo. 3D printing is a prototyping process that makes it
possible to create an actual object from a 3D computer file. Material
is deposited and solidified layer by layer, creating a three-dimensional
object. Sculpteo offers a fast 3D printing service which is open to all.
They start from your 3D design to manufacture a specific object:
interior decoration, figurines, robots, miniatures, scale models.

Tuesday
-------

Hours one and two: Every third Tuesday of the month, we have an all
Linux show! Joining Craig and Ben once again is Larry Bushey, the
Creator and host of the “Going Linux Podcast.”

Wednesday
-------
Hours one and two: We continue our newest segment: Freebie Night with Gizmo!
Tune in as we talk about the newest, hottest and most useful FREE software
Products to hit the planet!

Thursday
--------
Hour one and Hour two: Gregory Evans. Joining Craig and Ben with the
return of the world’s greatest computer security expert. Tonight he
joins us to talk about hacking in its many forms, and how you can
protect your computer from malware invasions.

Friday
--------
Hour one and two: Gene Steinberg. Apple’s newest operating system is
here! It’s called OS X Lion and Gene’s had it for weeks! Tune in to
hear all about Apple’s latest OS that sports over 250 new features!
------------------------------

See you next week!

Mule Economic Recovery Program

2011-07-17T23:12:00.000-07:00

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis & Leroy replied, "well, then just give us our money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.

"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.."

Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."

The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

They're overseeing the Economic Recovery Program..

Medal of Honor recipient

2011-07-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

Staff Sergeant Leroy Petry

Computer America for week of 7/11

2011-07-11T09:29:00.001-07:00

Lineup for the week:

Monday
-------
Hour one: Team Viewer connects to any PC or server around the world
within a few seconds. You can remote control your partner's PC as if you
were sitting right in front of it. Find out why more than 100 million
users trust TeamViewer!

Hour two: Christopher Breen. Senior Editor of Macworld Magazine. Hear
the latest from Apple!

Tuesday
-------

Hours one and two: Our Gamer Tuesdays are back! Joining us is IGN.com.
Daemon Hatfield is the Senior Editor of IGN.com and our newest
correspondent. He will talk about the hottest games and products!

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: It's Wednesday Madness! You never know who may stop in! Plus
it's OPEN phone lines! We answer your questions on ANY computer and
technology topic. We read your emails and Feedbacks, play your voice
messages, it's anything goes! Gabriel Torres, Editor of Hardware Secrets
joins us for both hours!

Hour two: Wednesday Madness continues with more of your emails,
late-breaking computer news and more!

Thursday
--------
Hour one: Ed Begley Jr.'s name has literally become synonymous with the
living green movement. Tonight, Ed will speak on how technology has
helped his environmental efforts. We'll hear which technology he uses in
his cars, his home and throughout his daily life to make living green a
little easier than it used to be.

Hour two: Not Scheduled as of Press Time.

Friday
--------
Hour one: Not Scheduled as of Press Time.

Hour two: Angie's List. Find detailed reviews on roofers, plumbers,
house cleaners, dentists and more! Over 1 Million members check Angie's
List before they hire.

Computer America Show Schedule for the week of 6/27/2011

2011-06-27T09:19:00.001-07:00

Monday
-------
Hour one and Hour two: Centered Systems. We take a closer look at
making backups and the importance of making backups. Second Copy is the
perfect automatic backup software designed for Windows XP and above. It
makes a backup of your data files to another directory, internal or
external hard disk or to a computer across the network. Second Copy
monitors the source files and keeps the backup updated with new or
changed files. It runs in the background with no user interaction. So,
once it is set up you always have a backup of your data somewhere else.

Tuesday
-------

Hour one: Scheduled is Netted by The Webbys. The editors of Netted by
The Webbys have identified the coolest, must-have tools that will help
travelers make sure their time and money are well spent.

Hour two: SWAGG. Import plastic gift and rewards cards from over 300
merchants. SWAGG tracks your balances and organizes your cards with ease
on your phone. SWAGG lets you buy, send and swap digital gift cards from
a growing list of participating merchants.

Wednesday
-------
Hour one: It's Wednesday Madness! You never know who may stop in! Plus
it's OPEN phone lines! We answer your questions on ANY computer and
technology topic. We read your emails and Feedbacks, play your voice
messages, it's anything goes! Joining Craig and Ben is Yamaha.

Hour two: Dick DeBartolo, the GizWiz and Mad Magazine's maddest writer
joins us for the latest technology gadgets and wild stuff from the Internet!

Thursday
--------
Hour one: Adobe Dreamweaver. Hear all about Adobe’s Dreamweaver, the
premiere application for website development!

Hour two: World IPv6 Day. We’re running out of website addresses! We
need larger numbers to accommodate all of them. IPv6 hold the answer.
Our guest this hour is Owen DeLong, an IPv6 Evangelist and Director of
Professional Services.

Friday
--------
Hour one: VIDEX CyberLock Solutions. CyberLock Electronic Locks and
Smart Padlocks offer some of the best security locks in the business.
Tune in to hear all about them.

Hour two: Brookstone. This highly successful chain of stores has just
introduced QR Codes. Tune in to hear how this latest technology is
being successfully used at Brookstone stores across the country.

Tomatoes in New Jersey

2011-06-06T14:14:00.001-07:00

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,

Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,
Vinnie

I RESCUED A HUMAN TODAY

2011-06-03T10:56:00.000-07:00

Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels.
I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her.
I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid.

As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage.
I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today.
Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.

As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life.

She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her.
Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship.

A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well.

Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms.
I would promise to keep her safe. I would promise to always be by her side.
I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes.
I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor.
So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors.
So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.

I rescued a human today.

(Thank you, Queen Coco Puff the Munificent, for coming into my life.)

Best Comeback Ever

2011-05-27T11:27:00.000-07:00

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility ....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes, sir, .. I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

THE BUS AND THE ZIPPER

2011-05-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
She reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that
This would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.

For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again,

Much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

ARRIVALS IN HEAVEN:

2011-05-03T12:58:00.001-07:00

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination

to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk

who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a

good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She

claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry

and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was

into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the

balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the

rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his

fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was

broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive, I

found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the

balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this

point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and

died. The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the

roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled

over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the

balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out

onto the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit

some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge

chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed

and was hit and killed by the chest." The clerk couldn't help but chuckle

as he directs the man to the next room.

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He

apologizes and says, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as

the fellow in here just before you."

"I don't know," replies the man. "Picture this. I'm buck naked hiding

in this cedar chest . . ."

Step by Step walkthrough on Malwarebyte's AntiMalware

2011-05-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

If you suspect your Windows computer is infected with some malicious software, you have a variety of tools at your command to deal with the threat. One that I really like is Malwarebyte's AntiMalware, also called MBAM.

If you don't have MBAM installed on your computer already, please for CNet's Download.Com page and click the Download Now button to start the download. Once it's done downloading, you can save the file in a place you can find it easily. I like to create a "Downloads" folder and store each program in it's own folder. (I tend to keep older installers for some of my older machines.)

Double-click the installer to start the install process. For MBAM, the only thing you might need to change is if you use the Quick Launch bar and allow MBAM to put a program button there. Otherwise, just click Next and allow MBAM to finish installing. Windows Vista and 7 might ask your permission at first start the process.

Allow MBAM to download updates. I like to double check that it has found all the updates once the program starts by clicking the Update tab. If MBAM has not already started, you can start it by double-clicking the red square with the white M in it. Then click the Check for Updates button. MBAM will check for and install any updates it finds. It might need to shut off MBAM to install program updates too. It'll tell you if it needs to do that. Just restart MBAM when that is done.

Once the update process is complete, click the Scanner tab. I like to have MBAM Perform Full Scan. Click the radio button to select that. Then click Scan. If you have only one Hard Drive, it will start the scan. If you have two or more Hard Drives or Partitions, it will ask you which ones you want to scan. I like to scan any that are there.

This process can take upwards of two hours, depending on computer speed and how many files you have to scan. Get a cup of coffee or a soda.

If MBAM finds anything, it will tell you on the third line: Objects infected: ##

If it does find something, Do Not Panic!

MBAM is just doing it's job.

When MBAM is finished, it will post a "The scan completed successfully. Click 'Show Results' to display all infected objects." Click the button and read through the list. Most of them will probably be Tracking Cookies. Those are fairly harmless as they are text files that can only be read by a few sites.

If you see something like Rogue Antivirus Center, that's bad. It's a program that tries to get you to give a site your credit card number and then run up charges. Leave everything on the list checked and MBAM will remove it for you.

Click Remove Selected to do that function.

MBAM will create a log file of what it found and what it did to remove it. This will open in Notepad. You can close this.

Then MBAM will tell you that your computer needs to be restarted to finish the job. Click Yes, and let your computer reboot/restart.

If you get something that does not allow MBAM to run or interferes with the normal operation, you can start your computer Safe Mode by pressing F8 as the computer boots. it will bring up the Boot Menu. Use the arrow keys to select Safe Mode with Networking (in case you need to update MBAM or other security software) and press enter. Windows will warn you that it is going into Safe Mode, click Yes to continue and then run MBAM or other software at this point like normal.

Who really Does the Work

2011-05-02T08:53:00.001-07:00

The Florida Department of Labor claimed a business man was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

Fl Govt agent : I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

Business man : Well, there's 10 employees who's been with me for 3 years. I pay them $400.00 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

Fl Govt agent : That's the guy I want to talk to...the mentally challenged one.

Business man : That would be me.

Rules for Snowflakes

2011-03-28T14:37:00.001-07:00

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem.

The world will expect you to accomplish something

BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school.

You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.

Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping:

They called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault,

so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring

as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills,

cleaning your clothes and listening to you

talk about how cool you thought you were:

So before you save the rain forest

from the parasites of your parent's generation,

try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers,

but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades

and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.

*This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters.

You don't get summers off and very few employers

are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF.

*Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life.

In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds…

Chances are you'll end up working for one.

OREGON MEDICAL DICTIONARY

2011-03-24T13:03:00.000-07:00

Artery………………………The study of paintings
Bacteria……………………. Back door to the cafeteria
Barium…………………….. What doctors do when patients die
Benign…………………….. What you be after you be eight
Caesarean Section………… Neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan…………………… Searching for Kitty
Cauterize………………….. Made eye contact with her
Colic………………………. A sheep dog
Coma……………………… A punctuation mark
Dilate……………………… To live long
Enema…………………….. Not a friend
Fester……………………… Quicker than someone else
Fibula……………………… A small lie
Impotent…………………… Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain…………………. Getting hurt at work
Medical staff………………. A Doctor’s cane
Morbid…………………….. A higher offer
Nitrates…………………….. Cheaper than day rates
Node……………………….. I knew it
Outpatient………………….. A person who has fainted
Pelvis………………………. Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative……………… A letter carrier
Recovery Room……………. Place to do upholstery
Rectum……………………… **** near killed him
Secretion…………………… Hiding something
Seizure…………………….. Roman emperor
Tablet……………………… A small table
Terminal Illness……………. Getting sick at the airport
Tumor………………………. One plus one more
Urine……………………….. Opposite of you’re out

Moped versus Ferrari

2011-03-19T12:39:00.001-07:00

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks,

'What kind of car ‘ya got there, sonny?'

The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars! '

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'

'No problem,' replies the doctor…

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped!'

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster!

'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?' the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'

The old man whispers, 'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'.

An actual serious posting for a change.

2011-03-03T12:13:00.000-08:00

Today while reading my Twitter feed, I came across this posting:

Gay adoption refers to the adoption of children by homosexuals or same-sex couples.

—

PBS.com

And it really struck me as inaccurate on PBS' part to describe adoption in that way. "Gay" used to mean happy or upbeat. Now, it mean, an addition, to be involved with someone of your own gender. Calling people "same-sex" isn't correct. "Gender" is, to me, a better word because it describes what you are, either male or female. (An important issue, but not one I feel prepared to tackle here is trans-gender.)

Adoption is taking a child that, for whatever reason, has been placed with an agency from their biological parents to be taken care of until a good home with people that will love and raise the child is found.

In this fast paced world we all live in, people trying to shorten messages to one or two pertinent words are loosing the meaning behind those words.

I am all for anyone that feels they are able to provide a good, stable, loving home for children of any age or background. (I also dislike the word "race" when talking about humans. We don't take about the Corgi race or the Jack Russell race when talking about dogs.)

If you choose to love someone, that's your business. Love them completely, with all your heart and soul. Finding someone is special, finding other people to share that with is a mission from .

I've often thought that I could indeed be a good parent. However, I am not fiscally able to undertake that mission at this time. I decided a long time ago that bringing more children of my own would not be an option. Even fostering would be beyond my means right now. I have the room, the time, but not the money to buy myself new socks, let alone a growing child.

I can only applaud those that do with my highest regards. No matter who they are, the body isn't the important part, it's the souls inside. A lesson that humanity needs to learn.

Thanks for your time.

Think you have stress?

2011-02-25T12:00:00.001-08:00

You pick up a hitchhiker, a beautiful girl. Suddenly she faints inside your car and you take her to hospital.

Now that's stressful!

But at the hospital they say she is pregnant & congratulate you that you are going to be a father. You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.

This is getting very stressful!

So then...... you request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father. After the tests are completed, the doctor says that you are infertile, and probably have been since birth.

You are extremely stressed but relieved.

On your way back home, you think about your 3 kids at home.

NOW THAT'S STRESS!

THE GYNECOLOGIST WHO BECAME A MECHANIC

2011-02-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance
and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where
skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"

"The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career."

One Hundred Dollars

2011-02-22T10:22:00.001-08:00

It is a slow day in the small Saskatchewan town of Pumphandle and streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything.

No one earned anything...

However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a "stimulus package" works

Five Surgeons

2011-02-11T13:06:00.001-08:00

Five surgeons are talking.

#1 The first, an Ontario surgeon, says: " I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered. "

#2 The second, a Quebec surgeon, responds: " Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is colour coded. "

#3 The third, a B.C. surgeon, says: " No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside of them is in alphabetical order. "

#4 The fourth, an Alberta surgeon, chimes in: " You know, I like construction workers.... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

#5 But, the fifth, a Newfoundland surgeon, shut them all up when he observed: " You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, -- and the head and the ass are interchangeable

Lyrics -- The Star Spangled Banner

2011-02-08T22:03:00.001-08:00

O! say can you see by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner, O! long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more!
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Blonde Mortician:

2011-02-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

Show Me Your Hunting License

2011-02-01T12:52:00.001-08:00

A Hillbilly went hunting one day in Georgia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies.

The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license; the hillbilly pulled out a valid Georgia hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, 'This duck ain't from Georgia. This is a Tennessee duck. You got a Tennessee huntin' license, boy?'

The hillbilly reached in to his wallet and produced a Tennessee hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt,and said 'This ain't no Tennessee duck. This duck's From Mississippi. You got a Mississippi license?'

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Mississippi hunting license.

The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said,

'This ain't no Mississippi duck. This here duck's from South Carolina .. You got a South Carolina huntin' license?'

Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hill billy, 'Boy, just where the hell are you from?'

The hillbilly turned around, dropped his pants, bent over, and said, 'You tell me. You're the expert.'

Doggy Door

2011-01-30T13:31:00.000-08:00

Could you imagine coming home from work
to find this tiny creature napping on your
couch with your dog?
Guess who came home for dinner?
It followed this beagle home, right through
the doggy door This happened in Maryland
recently. The owner came home to find the
visitor had made himself right at home..
This hit the 6 o'clock news big time.

MSE 2.0 is out!

2011-01-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

And has been for some time. I did notice a few changes but didn't think about those much. Now, Windows Secrets writer Fred Langa has an article on MSE 2.0 with it's significant changes.

If you are running Microsoft Security Essentials, it's now version 2.0. Get it here:

http://www.microsoft.com/security_essentials/

or here:

http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/en/details.aspx?FamilyID=e1605e70-9649-4a87-8532-33d813687a7f

Microsoft Security Essentials 2.0 runs on XP SP2 and SP3; Vista Gold, SP1 and SP2; and Windows 7. The only thing to watch out for is is you run the 32bit or 64 bit versions of Vista or Windows 7. You can check this by looking in Start > Computer > System Properties. Under System, you'll see System Type and the Operating System will tell you there.

No one believes Seniors

2011-01-10T13:23:00.000-08:00

. . . everyone thinks they are senile.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you, Sally.”

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money -

fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.”

Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

Sally said, “No.” Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.

Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile”
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said:

“Tell us the story from the beginning.”

Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ....”

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!”

TOO GOOD NOT TO SHARE

Unusual Fishing in the Stephens Passage, Alaska

2010-12-29T13:22:00.000-08:00

Four young Sitka black-tailed bucks fell upon good luck Sunday
as they were pulled from the icy waters of Stephens Passage, Alaska

by a group of locals on Tom Satre's 62-foot charter vessel.
Four juvenile Sitka black-tailed deer swam directly toward the boat.

Once the deer reached the boat, the four began to circle the boat,
looking directly at the humans on board. Clearly, the bucks were distressed.

With help, the typically skittish and absolutely wild animals came willingly onto the boat.
Once onboard, they collapsed with exhaustion, shivering.

Here the rescued bucks rest on the back of Tom Satre's boat, the Alaska Quest.
All four deer were transported to Taku Harbour.

Once the group reached the dock, the first buck that had been pulled from the water
hopped onto the dock, looked back, then leapt into the harbour,
swam to shore, and disappeared into the forest.
After a bit of prodding and assistance from the humans, two others followed suit,
but one deer needed more help.

Here he is being helped by Tom Satre off the boat.

Tom, Anna and Tim Satre help the last of the "button" bucks to its feet.
They did not know how long the deer had been in the icy waters
or if there had been others who did not survive.

The good Samaritans (humans) describe their experience as "one of those defining moments in life."

I’m sure it was for the deer, as well.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

2010-12-26T22:06:00.000-08:00

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Wildest Christmas Dinner!

2010-12-26T19:46:00.001-08:00

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 'What the hell is that?' she asked.

My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'

'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.

'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'

My grandfather, a delightfu l o ld man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health..

I can't wait until next Christmas.

What is Celibacy?

2010-12-09T17:20:00.001-08:00

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”

Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn’t it?”

And thus began Frank's life of celibacy...

Say Thank You

2010-11-24T11:38:00.001-08:00

Here's a site that allows you to send a Thank You card to a member of the US military.

http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1280.html

Please, take two minutes and thank the troops. It's free, easy, and there are drawings for you to select. You can pick a message or make your own personalized message.

A soldier will thank you.

Voices from another universe

2010-11-21T23:23:00.001-08:00

The Call
by Regina Spektor

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
‘Til it was a battle cry
I’ll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything’s changing
Doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye

You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye

Now we’re back to the beginning
It’s just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can’t feel it too
Doesn’t mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
‘Til they’re before your eyes
You’ll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You’ll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

Did Citizens Forget this?

2010-11-20T19:35:00.001-08:00

Amendment 4 - Search and Seizure. Ratified 12/15/1791.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Quick, Easy, and Cheap Gift

2010-11-19T10:35:00.000-08:00

Want to make a gift that looks like you spent all day on it? Of course you do. Here's something EJ showed me that take about five minutes to make.

Take three fabrics you like or are for some holiday, like Thanks Giving or Christmas.

Pick one for the center and two for the surrounding. Cut 4 inch squares. You'll need nine total, one center and four each surrounding. Sew them in a nine patch square. Fold the square in half long ways. Then sew each side on the short side so you have fold at the bottom, open at the top and stitches at both ends.

Now, here's the hard part....

Grasp the unsewn edge in your fingers and pull apart so you have a sort of paper boat ot hat shape. Sew from the outside along the open edge in towards the center about a quarter of the way in so you create a pocket.

Take a seven inch square of InsulBright, fold it in half and insert into the pocket, pushing the corners of the insulation into the corners of the shape. it'll flatten itself out as you do this.

Then you can sew up the seam you at left with by hand or machine as you see fit.

You should be left with a square seven inches on a side and made on point. And it'll look like you spent all day fussy cutting to get the shape just!

To finish, add a cloth or plastic ring and this will make a great hotpad. You can also do this in 5 inch squares, adjust the size of the InsulBright accordingly.

Reflex reaction test

2010-11-18T12:57:00.001-08:00

This thing is addictive

The automobile driving manual says the average
driver's reaction time is:

.75 seconds or 1 car length for every 10mph.

Test your average reaction time.

Be careful this can be addictive!!

You will be surprised at how slow you really are.

GOOD LUCK

Click

here: Reaction Test

God's Wife

2010-11-18T12:03:00.001-08:00

LOOK OUT FOR THE LAST STORY....
IT WILL KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once
Talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the
Contest was to find the most caring child..

The winner was:

A four-year-old child, whose next door
neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his
wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old
Gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his mother asked him what he had
said to the neighbor, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just
Helped him cry.'

*********************************************

Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were
discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture
had a different hair color than the other members. One of her
students suggested that he was adopted.
A little girl said, 'I know all about
Adoption, I was adopted..'

'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked
another child.

'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew
in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'

*********************************************

On my way home one day, I stopped to
watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a
park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-
base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was
'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered
With a smile.

'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you
don't look very discouraged.'

'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a
Puzzled look on his face...

'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't
Been up to bat yet.'

*********************************************

Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot
in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.

Jamie was trying out for a part in the
school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being
in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.

On the day the parts were awarded, I went
with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her,
eyes shining with pride and excitement.. 'Guess what, Mom,' he
shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to
me....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'

*********************************************

An eye witness account from New York
City , on a cold day in December,
some years ago: A little boy,
about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the
roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering
With cold.

A lady approached the young boy and said,
'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'

'I was asking God to give me a pair of
shoes,'was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand, went into
the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks
for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water
and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back
part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed
his little feet, and dried them with the towel.

By this time, the clerk had returned with
the socks... Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him
a pair of shoes..

She tied up the remaining pairs of socks
and gave them to him... She patted him on the head and said, 'No
doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'

As she turned to go, the astonished kid
caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears
in his eyes, asked her.

'Are you God's wife?'

*********************************************

SEND TO ALL WHO LOVE AND CARE FOR CHILDREN.
Hope this put a smile on your face it

Pecans in the Cemetary

2010-11-15T12:17:00.000-08:00

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts
and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me' said one boy.. Several
dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he
thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to
investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you,
one for me..'

He just knew what it was.. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just
around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

'Come here quick,' said the Boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and
the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.'

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When
the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard , 'One for you, one for me. One for you,
one for me.'>

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if
we can see the Lord..'

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to
see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the
fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now, let's go get
those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'

They say the old man made it back to town a full five minutes ahead of the
kid on the bike.

Memories

2010-10-28T14:16:00.001-07:00

An elderly lady was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening.

She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names'.

The elderly lady hung her head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old coot what his name is.'

Huh? How does this work again?

2010-10-09T16:31:00.001-07:00

SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT!!!

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER

ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER

ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER

ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER

ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER

ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER

ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY

YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET !!!

A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE,

SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, WELFARE,

FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS,

SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,

FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE,

A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE

THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU

PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT

AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION !!!

Animals Teaching a Lesson

2010-09-28T19:25:00.001-07:00

Debby Cantlon, who plans to release Finnegan, the young squirrel, back into the wild, bottle-fed the infant squirrel after it was brought to her house

When Cantlon took in the tiny creature and began caring for him, she found herself with an unlikely nurse's aide: her pregnant Papillion, Mademoiselle Giselle.

Finnegan was resting in a nest in a cage just days before Giselle was due to deliver her puppies.

Cantlon and her husband watched as the dog dragged the squirrel's cage twice to her own bedside before she gave birth..

Cantlon was concerned, yet ultimately decided to allow the squirrel out and the inter-species bonding began.

Finnegan rides a puppy mosh pit of sorts, burrowing in for warmth after feeding, eventually working his way beneath his new litter mates.

Two days after giving birth, mama dog Giselle allowed Finnegan to nurse; family photos and a videotape show her encouraging him to suckle alongside her litter of five pups.

Now, Finnegan mostly uses a bottle, but still snuggles with his 'siblings' in amosh pitof puppies, rolling atop their bodies, and sinking in deeply for a nap.

Finnegan and his new litter mates, five Papillion puppies, get along together as if they were meant to.

Finnegan naps after feeding.

Finnegan makes himself at home with his new litter mates, nuzzling nose-to-nose for a nap after feeding.
MORAL OF THE STORY:

Keep loving everyone, even the squirrelly ones

Voices from the Past: Why you should vote

2010-09-27T15:34:00.001-07:00

Let's inspire each other to exercise our duty, right, and privilege to vote. It is the one bastion of hope we have in these perilous times in America's politics and government.

This is the story of our Mothers and Grandmothers who lived only 90 years ago.

Remember, it was not until 1920 that women were granted the right to go to the polls and vote.

The women were innocent and defenseless, but they were jailed nonetheless for picketing the White House, carrying signs asking for the vote.

And by the end of the night, they were barely alive. Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their warden's blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of 'obstructing sidewalk traffic.'

(Lucy Burns)

They beat Lucy Burns, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air.

(Dora Lewis)
They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cell mate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack. Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women.

Thus unfolded the 'Night of Terror' on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the right to vote. For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms.

(Alice Paul)
When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.

So, refresh MY memory. Some women won't vote this year because - Why, exactly? We have carpool duties? We have to get to work? Our vote doesn't matter? It's raining?

Mrs Pauline Adams in the prison garb she wore while serving a 60 day sentence.

Last week, I went to a sparsely attended screening of HBO's new movie 'Iron Jawed Angels.' It is a graphic depiction of the battle these women waged so that I could pull the curtain at the polling booth and have my say. I am ashamed to say I needed the reminder.

Miss Edith Ainge, of Jamestown, New York
All these years later, voter registration is still my passion. But the actual act of voting had become less personal for me, more rote. Frankly, voting often felt more like an obligation than a privilege. Sometimes it was inconvenient.

(Berthe Arnold, CSU graduate)

My friend Wendy, who is my age and studied women's history, saw the HBO movie, too. When she stopped by my desk to talk about it, she looked angry. She was--with herself. 'One thought kept coming back to me as I watched that movie,' she said. 'What would those women think of the way I use, or don't use, my right to vote? All of us take it for granted now, not just younger women, but those of us who did seek to learn.' The right to vote, she said, had become valuable to her 'all over again.'

HBO released the movie on video and DVD . I wish all history, social studies and government teachers would include the movie in their curriculum I want it shown on Bunco/Bingo night, too, and anywhere else women gather. I realize this isn't our usual idea of socializing, but we are not voting in the numbers that we should be, and I think a little shock therapy is in order.

Conferring over ratification of the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution at National Woman's Party headquarters, Jackson Place , Washington , D.C.
Left to right: Mrs. Lawrence Lewis, Mrs. Abby Scott Baker, Anita Pollitzer, Alice Paul, Florence Boeckel, Mabel Vernon (standing, right))

It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that she could be permanently institutionalized. And it is inspiring to watch the doctor refuse. Alice Paul was strong, he said, and brave. That didn't make her crazy.

The doctor admonished the men: 'Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity.'

Please, if you are so inclined, pass this on to all the women you know. We need to get out and vote and use this right that was fought so hard for by these very courageous women. Whether you vote democratic, republican or independent party - remember to vote.

Helena Hill Weed, Norwalk , Conn. Serving 3 day sentence in D.C. prison for carrying banner, 'Governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed.'